this past few months have been crazy with studying and now, i'm just glad that A's ARE OVER. oh the liberation is immense! been having an awesome time just going out without a care in the world. other than being sick this past week, life's been bright.

but just with one part of life ending, another begins. I'm at a place where opportunities are knocking at my door. and though i've always wanted to be in this place, where i'd have a choice, where i can do anything, it sometimes just leaves me confused.

I want to be a lawyer. but sometimes these thoughts just seep in and i can't help but wonder if i'm good enough, if i'll be able to handle it and if i'll ever be prepared by how that decision is going to steer my life in a direction that many would not be comfortable with.

I watched Fairly Legal with the intent of proving chrissy wrong - that Kate was not like me. when i started watching it, i realised that Kate was capable, cool and unconventional. she seemed lively, sociable and smart. Something that i wish to think i am, and i began to realise that it would be fine to be paralleled to Kate, and i messaged chrissy with a smile on my face to tell her i agreed. Then the episodes passed, and I saw another side to Kate. that made her shockingly real to me. the association wasn't something i was proud of anymore. but it was frightfully true. the way that she behaved in the relationship, just played on the screen what i'd feared I'd be, and yet what i'd believed I would do. close off. fill my life with tasks, and make myself busy, meet people and it'll seem like everything's just fine. and then i'd shut out a person who's supposed to matter. not have any time and in the end, have that moment of sitting down and crying my eyes out wondering where things went wrong. and it just made me think. is this what i want out of my life? and even though i was so filled with fear, i realised that maybe i'd rather be in that position knowing that i tried for my dreams. instead of settling with doing something less demanding, less fulfilling, and hoping that i'd find a relationship that would make me happy - that i'd have time, and energy for. because right now, I've never experienced it for it to sway my judgment.

Just like daddy always says, things come at a cost. No one's life is perfect.

I can't seem to grasp this concept, because I'm always wanting perfection. always. it's almost a disease. haha.

At this point, i don't know how my life will turn out. who i'll meet. and how it will all turn out.

I guess i just need to trust in God and in fate, to show me the way, and to catch me, when i fall.