and no, not eyecandy, but an actual crush.

a crush is defined as a person whom you aren't only physically attracted to, but its on another level of the emotional and perhaps intellectual. all three of these connections are essential in any relationship in my opinion. yet, this person, is not actively engaged in courtship with you.

usually, i'd tell someone after a pretty long period of 'crushing' that there are other fishes in the sea and blah blah, but i really hope that they don't listen to me. i used to think that having a crush is actually pretty ridiculous - all you do is pine, dream and hope that one day, that person would have a conversation with you and notice you. this person would show you one way or another that your believed attraction is in fact not one-sided, and perhaps would be willing to try it out. you'd blush at every smile, your heart would flutter when he speaks to you.

i long for that. i long for my cheeks to warm again.

and well, now i realise that having a crush is indeed not ridiculous after all. it's being willing to open up to someone, and in the same sense, show that person that the attraction is there. perhaps if you never do it, like flirt or whatever else, then that person would never know. no one wants to be the ridiculous fool who chases someone outrightly when its obvious said person seems to be stuck behind the starting line.

i guess for me, it's denial. denial that's built from a strong wall of pride. the pride that can't handle rejection. the rejection of seeing him with someone else, someone else who's not you. it'll take some time, but my wall needs to come down. i need to be able to crush freely and unashamedly again.

okay anyway enough of my musings.

i've had a pretty good week so far!

met liz celly and lis on tuesday at spizza for our reunion dinner (spent a bomb sigh) and then headed to selegie soya for tau huay and we walked all the way back from jalan kayu hehe. after that we walked around greenwich though most shops were already closed, strolled through the roof tops and walk home. it was wonderful. laughing our heads off and just enjoying each other's company. i'm glad our friendship has lasted through the years :)

on wednesday, the exco came over for curry without syl cuz she was sick :(. it was relaxed and pretty comforting. they ate.. a lot. haha im pretty sure my mother has never been so proud of her curry espescially since she's always hounding me to eat more. yeap and we watched Real Steel. which i really enjoyed. ok yes, hugh jackman was too sexy. but the story itself was good. in the end, it's not the score. it's the fight that matters. and as long as you keep fighting, you've already won. and i just really like boxing - the Wii has influenced me lol. so yeah had fun with the 5idiots heh.

and today, it was rach's surprise party. it was so awesome seeing all my IJ loves. natty and lynette ran up to me shrieking in bishan interchange whilst i waited for sherlyn and as they did and said their nonsensical stuff i realised i really really missed them. and when i saw everyone at rach's place, i just couldn't stop hugging them lol. we had such a crazy time, it reminded me of school in IJ. and the times we would trick madam Yu, terrorize our teachers etc. they loved us, i'm sure. but yeah, as i looked at my friends, i was just filled with a surge of gratitude. gratitude for even though i had been in a different school and others went separate ways, they're still such an important presence in my life as i would hope my presence is to them. the most important part is how we just have to meet to have a good time.

IJ FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS FOR LIFE hehe.

accompanying grandma to the hospital tomorrow, i can't wait :)