To some, I may sound like an ungrateful whiner, but its true. I wouldn't choose to feel this way but I can't help myself.

I need to stop equating my perception of self based on what i think others perceive of me.

I'm not dumb, I know that everyone says that all that matters is how you feel about yourself, and not care what others think. Most of the time, I'm a strong believer in that.

But then there's moments where the insecurities attack. maybe because I had some alcohol and perhaps that makes me overly emotional. They say that when you're drunk your insecurities spill out - if that's the case, I truly never want to be drunk, only to have people hear this and think i'm a blubbering fool. Janice once told me that I don't need to be strong all the time, and it's okay to show weakness. But what if, in showing that weakness, is losing my strength? The strength I believe I have is concealing my weakness.

I just feel like I'm not good enough - no matter how hard I try. Never smart enough, never pretty enough, never tall enough, never slim enough, never talented enough, never nice enough. Why do people still hang out with me, I'd never know.

while we were just sitting and lepak-ing, I saw couples around me, even among my friends. Then, i turned to sham, and said 'i wish someone would love me' and she turned to me and said 'what are you talking about? I love you. We all do'.

And I guess, that would just have to be enough.