its terribly stupid and pathetic, yet i know that i'm still scared it'll happen again. which is why i retreat time and time again, before even reaching the start line. and now, for the first time in a long time, i actually want to run and take the steps. then i think about why i'm so shy and scared, & i realise that its because i look at the people about to run beside me, and think 'it's okay, they'll probably win anyway' so why waste the energy and effort, only to feel like a fool in the end. so that's why. no one's ever made me feel like i could win, i guess it has to come from myself huh.


i'll work on it, it's time to grow up marrissa.