when will it ever stop? when will this pain that disappointment brings end?
how many times will I have people feeling sorry for me and trying to comfort me. I mean they must be sick of it and so am I. So sick of saying that I didn't do well enough, that I didn't get what I had wanted so badly. So sick of trying to figure what happened, what I did wrong to deserve this? I just keep hearing 'oh its okay mars' 'don't be sad' 'oh man'. I think maybe i've had it too easy in the past. Maybe I thought I could have it all, but looks like I can't and that's the cold hard truth of it. Cold, just like me. I guess a cold person can only attract ice.

Never in my life, have I found it hard to find the will to carry on. To try harder, to feel like it's going to be okay. Now, everything looks too bleak. Too bleak for me to handle. I can't cope with this, and never have I felt like that except on the night before contract exam when grandma was on her death bed.

I mean they say it gets hard before its better right? Well, that was said by someone who was either in denial or just unbelievably optimistic. When it's hard, that's all it is - hard.