"if you ever want to stop being my princess... just let me know too okay?". He uttered before he said goodnight.

we'd had such a great day, after not really seeing each other over the past 2 days (yes separation anxiety, overly-attached, call it what you want). And then I found out something about a certain someone who was in a state of confusion with regards to my someone. We'd already spoken about it and that possibility. I mean, a tumblr post is about as public as it gets and the timing was impeccable. So, I guess I knew. and he knew. but we were both going on thinking... 'no la probably not'. Today, i found out its true.

I love how i can tell him everything. But today, i told him this and our merry supper took a turn. I found myself thinking and thinking and thinking. I guess I didnt really think much of it - I mean, after all okay la, not surprising that maybe this person had liked him before and just didn't get the hint that he was not interested or that they were just friends. Then, i started drawing parallels to situations happened or happening to friends and to past experiences. I know what its like to be her. I am also aware of what she may think now - of herself, of him, of us. What she thinks of herself, is what saddens me. What she thinks of him, doesn't really because I know its not true. What she thinks of us, is disappointing because i know that it is so much more than just something superficial, something he sought even though there was no real connection because he's just a boy going after someone he supposedly found attractive/prettier. It's not true, and he's been trying and has been showing me otherwise, that yes, the physical matters but to such a miniscule proportion to why else he feels for me, why he loves me. Why - when i hug him, i can feel the love he has for me.

that brings me to the point of this post. The fact that the heaviness in my heart that she has caused me to feel - probably due to my over-thinking too - is causing him to feel the pain too and making him feel sorry that i feel like this or am caught in this....situation of sorts. That, I can deal with - because no part of me in any way blames him.

What hurts is that he thinks I may run. Does he not have any idea at all about how I feel? Of course he doesn't silly, you haven't said the words. Words, that seem so hard to say because when said, they lay your heart bare. out in the open & defenceless.  And it's not just your heart, its also a giving of yourself. Trusting your whole self to this other person. In my heart, I know what I feel. Yet, I still can't seem to say those words. Today I realised why. I think it's because I thought - he doesn't need to hear it. He must know - from the way I beam when I am with him, the way i always want to hold his hand because it just fits and is right, the way i worry when his elbows get abrasions from soccer or his ankle hurts after squash, or how i miss him. all the time.

I am assuming. I have been assuming. I have only just realised the power of those words because having them said to me has also given me an undeniable form of security - because I trust his words and his actions and his heart. I want him to know & i hope that my mind wraps around this idea, this concept soon because i want to be able to proclaim it from the rooftops.

"I will always be your princess". I was too late to say...but I hope he knows.