We fought on Friday. Badly. and honestly my heart felt broken, only a power he has for only he has a hold on my heart. And then, I did what I always do - I ran. I told him that he didn't want this anymore and maybe we should stop. I can still hear how he cried the moment I said that - I regretted it once I said it, but I didn't know what to do. I was so upset with how he behaved and how he didn't let me in and the things he said. I said some things to, of course.

The tears couldn't stop so I hung up because I didn't want to say anything anymore and I couldn't bear to hear his pain. And in the next minute I kept calling and because I wanted to take it all back. I didn't mean it, I never ever wanted to stop. And he didn't pick up and my mind was playing all possibilities. Maybe he had had enough, maybe he couldn't handle the pain, maybe he thought I was serious. As I lay in wait for 'online' to appear on whatsapp as I pleaded with him to call me back, he asked if I could do one thing for him. 'What is it?' 'Can you come outside? It's lonely out here'. At 2am, he had run out of his house and cabbed over. You know, I don't ever expect such things....in fact I am more ashamed that he had to do that and something I said made him have to make all that effort.

This is going to border on mushy and all that jazz, but I need to write this down so that I'll remember. I'll remember the time that I almost lost the one thing that means the world to me because i was stupid and reckless and mostly, scared. 

I cannot begin to say how sorry I am for even letting him think that I was entertaining the possibility of not being together.

I need to stop running. I can't lose him. I am my best self when I am with him, I laugh the most, I care more, I am the just... the person I want to be and he makes me want to be better. I love him.

"It's what I do - I run."
"Well then, I'll run too. To catch you."