its' my life.

collide.

2012-01-23T07:55:00.000-08:00

out of the doubt that fills your mind, you'll finally find, you and i collide.

it's one of my favourite songs. i can listen to it over and over. anytime. and i'll still love it.

i found i'm scared to know i'm always on your mind.

even the wrong words seem to rhyme

2012-01-19T07:59:00.000-08:00

the truth is, i envy people who have crushes for long periods of time.

and no, not eyecandy, but an actual crush.

a crush is defined as a person whom you aren't only physically attracted to, but its on another level of the emotional and perhaps intellectual. all three of these connections are essential in any relationship in my opinion. yet, this person, is not actively engaged in courtship with you.

usually, i'd tell someone after a pretty long period of 'crushing' that there are other fishes in the sea and blah blah, but i really hope that they don't listen to me. i used to think that having a crush is actually pretty ridiculous - all you do is pine, dream and hope that one day, that person would have a conversation with you and notice you. this person would show you one way or another that your believed attraction is in fact not one-sided, and perhaps would be willing to try it out. you'd blush at every smile, your heart would flutter when he speaks to you.

i long for that. i long for my cheeks to warm again.

and well, now i realise that having a crush is indeed not ridiculous after all. it's being willing to open up to someone, and in the same sense, show that person that the attraction is there. perhaps if you never do it, like flirt or whatever else, then that person would never know. no one wants to be the ridiculous fool who chases someone outrightly when its obvious said person seems to be stuck behind the starting line.

i guess for me, it's denial. denial that's built from a strong wall of pride. the pride that can't handle rejection. the rejection of seeing him with someone else, someone else who's not you. it'll take some time, but my wall needs to come down. i need to be able to crush freely and unashamedly again.

okay anyway enough of my musings.

i've had a pretty good week so far!

met liz celly and lis on tuesday at spizza for our reunion dinner (spent a bomb sigh) and then headed to selegie soya for tau huay and we walked all the way back from jalan kayu hehe. after that we walked around greenwich though most shops were already closed, strolled through the roof tops and walk home. it was wonderful. laughing our heads off and just enjoying each other's company. i'm glad our friendship has lasted through the years :)

on wednesday, the exco came over for curry without syl cuz she was sick :(. it was relaxed and pretty comforting. they ate.. a lot. haha im pretty sure my mother has never been so proud of her curry espescially since she's always hounding me to eat more. yeap and we watched Real Steel. which i really enjoyed. ok yes, hugh jackman was too sexy. but the story itself was good. in the end, it's not the score. it's the fight that matters. and as long as you keep fighting, you've already won. and i just really like boxing - the Wii has influenced me lol. so yeah had fun with the 5idiots heh.

and today, it was rach's surprise party. it was so awesome seeing all my IJ loves. natty and lynette ran up to me shrieking in bishan interchange whilst i waited for sherlyn and as they did and said their nonsensical stuff i realised i really really missed them. and when i saw everyone at rach's place, i just couldn't stop hugging them lol. we had such a crazy time, it reminded me of school in IJ. and the times we would trick madam Yu, terrorize our teachers etc. they loved us, i'm sure. but yeah, as i looked at my friends, i was just filled with a surge of gratitude. gratitude for even though i had been in a different school and others went separate ways, they're still such an important presence in my life as i would hope my presence is to them. the most important part is how we just have to meet to have a good time.

IJ FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS FOR LIFE hehe.

accompanying grandma to the hospital tomorrow, i can't wait :)

fix you.

2012-01-15T04:59:00.000-08:00

sigh it's one big mess.

too much pride on both sides.

but i just can't bring myself to forgive them so easily. they've just been adding to my worries/pain.

so now. it's officially the longest cold war.

but what worries me, is the number of cold wars we've been having.

i just can't be Gorbachev all the time. i can't. because this war is on another level. and emotions aren't as easy to settle as weapons and ICBMs.

come stop your crying, it will be alright,

just take my hand, hold it tight

but i can't help...

2012-01-12T06:12:00.000-08:00

but wish. and i really can't wait for the day - when my heart would feel full and my smile would be blinding. good things come to those who wait, right?

I am in LOVE with this song, really.

Faster - Matt Nathanson

You're so delicious
you're so soft
sweet on the tip of my tongue
you taste like sunlight
and strawberry bubble gum

you bite my lip
you spike my blood
you make my heart beat faster

own me, you own
you rattle my bones
you turn me over and over
'till I can't control myself
make me a liar
one big disaster
you make my heart beat faster

it's the way you swell, slow
pushing right out your seams
it's the way you smile, baby
when you've got me on my knees

your all night noise
your siren howl
you make my heart, beat, faster

own me, you own
you rattle my bones
you turn me over and over
'till I can't control myself
make me a liar
one big disaster
you make my heart beat faster

cause I jump back, crash, I crawl
I beg and steal, I follow you
yeah you own me
and you make my heart beat faster

(I can't get enough
because its on like
I guess this world is over to me)

you own me, you own
you rattle my bones
you turn me over and over
'till I can't control myself
make me a liar
one big disaster
you make my heart beat faster

do not be afraid, I am with you.

2012-01-10T07:15:00.001-08:00

just got the confirmation letter that i didn't get into Cambridge.

when i sort of found out on saturday, i must admit it sort of crushed me.

thoughts swirled into my head, insecurities attacked me and i questioned my abilities.

i cried. curled into a ball, and wished that maybe for once, things would go my way.

mum and dad tried to console me, but i just felt that i had disappointed them. disappointed the people who believed in me. the shame of having to tell people, and the pity in their eyes. i wondered and wondered if i was cut out for this. maybe i'm just not good enough, and then i began to ask myself 'how dare i even have dreamt it when i knew, i knew i wasn't good enough'. and it broke my heart. it did. for someone who's always sought perfection, for things to go my way, and having things go their own way instead, made my throat feel dry and my stomach curl into a knot.

then, i began to stop crying, took a bathe and talked things out. mum reminded me that in the beginning i had always told them and myself, that if it was meant to be, it will be and that i would still try. and i did. i tried, i made it to the interview, and i think that many people would have liked that opportunity. on hindsight, my prelim grades were far from spectacular and they probably have applicants with straight As considering that the college i applied to was a top one. i was in a very fragile state the rest of the evening and i attempted to take my mind off it and i thought that i was over it. mummy was happy of course because she had longed for me to go to NUS instead. Also, I saw it as a message to stay here, and take care of grandma.

on Sunday, i went to church. went to the adoration room, prayed and basically promised that i would accept this as God's plan. then i went into mass. and i felt it again - the disappointment. tears welled up in my eyes, and i felt like i couldn't breathe. i know daddy saw, but he knew better than to say anything that would trigger the downfall that was going to happen. i sucked it up, and dad brought me out for some retail therapy. i must admit, there were times when i felt that the world was against me. WHY don't i ever get what i want? and i spent the past two days thinking.

and i realised that what i wanted, it just wasn't good enough. and all my life, God had planned something better. i may not have realised it, but now, looking back, everything does happen for a reason.

i wanted to go to RJ when i was in sec 1, but i couldn't as i didn't have higher MT. but instead, i went to VJ and grew as a person, met an amazing class and thoroughly enjoyed my 2 years.

i wanted to be the president of my council in sec 4, but i didn't get it. instead, i learnt true leadership is regardless of post and that despite whatever position you may have, you can still be the strength, and as Troy puts it - the playmaker.

i wanted to get 6 points for Os. but if i did, i would have considered going to the science stream of taking hybrid- killing myself learning science when i am clearly not cut out for it.

i wanted the humanities scholarship. but if i did get it, perhaps i would not have put in so much to my studies to prove that i was worthy. or perhaps, more worthy.

etc etc etc.

clearly, things did turn out for the better.

today as i opened the letter from Cambridge, i felt an odd sense of peace. i stood in front of my altar and read the letter. i know that what has happened is for the best and though it may hurt sometimes, there is always a rainbow after the rain. chrissy called me immediately and i could hear the sadness in her voice. but she told me that i had deserved to get in, and that was enough. to know that still, people believe in me. and chech said, 'if they didn't take YOU in, who the **** did they take in???'. though i tend to disagree with the latter haha, it warmed my heart. and this is what will make me stronger. truth be told, i don't regret applying. the interview etc made me realise how deep my passion for law is and that perhaps i truly am capable. this will not get me down.

this is an especially hard time. grandma's getting worse. and at this point, i'm just so lost. i've decided to trust god and trust fate. for now, i'll just be the best daughter, sister, granddaughter and friend that i can be. and one year from now, i look forward to looking back and thinking 'thank goodness Cambridge did not accept me'.

And i will be strong, even if it all goes wrong,

when i'm standing in the dark i'll still believe,

someone's watching over me.

tripping, and stumbling

2012-01-09T07:12:00.000-08:00

this week is going to be so mad.

let's see:

mon- hospital w grandma

tues- hospital again, dinner w M, Jan & Suf

wed- hospital (if its in the morning), open house w my bro, dinner w chrissy

thurs- hospital (maybe?), 4/2 class outing @ sentosa

fri- hospital, meet lissa, meet gen, supper w the X-girls

sat- Srgn District Youth Conference w chrissy, sherlyn & ven , CT bbq in the evening @ aisyah's

sun- Srgn District Youth Conference (whole day)

NO.TIME.TO.BREATHE.

but since i'll be w people i absolutely love, i'll be ok :)

wise men say, only fools rush in.

2012-01-09T03:16:00.000-08:00

and i'm not a fool aren't i?

i'll be there for you

2012-01-03T08:28:00.000-08:00

spent my day with chrissy today and then met lissa at night. two of my favourites in one day? its my lucky day :).

anw talking to chrissy was just amazing. we hardly meet but when we do, its like we've never been apart. and really, she's my best friend. i love how she knows when i say i'm fine and i'm actually not, and despite what everyone else thinks, i'm not as strong as i sometimes appear to be. i love how we experience the same things and understand each other. i love how we can always rely on each other for everything. i love how we're always happy for each other, and how i can trust her with anything.

love you chrissy. thanks for being in my life <3

so confused. matters of the heart. sigh.

This could be the start, of something new.

2012-01-01T09:15:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

2012. I'M READY FOR YOU.

this past week has been crazy! but amazing nevertheless. went for multiple parties, met up with people i love and so on. it really was awesome. i've been going to the hospital with my grandparents to accompany them on their checkups and stuff. and even though on the day itself i usually feel tired and asking myself why in the world i volunteered to do this, seeing my grandparents and being able to take care of grandma during this rough time just makes me feel so content and satisfied. it's like i can look in the mirror and slowly like the person i'm becoming. grandma has done so much for me- to taking care of me when i was young, to giving me money every time i have an important function or when i go on holiday, to praying for me constantly and to sending me cards for most important occasions; even for my exams. honestly, its the least i could do. knowing that she appreciates my company takes the away the boredom of waiting in the hospital for hours, and i find myself trying to do everything to make her happy, to make her forget the pain. i want to be there for her in every way i can and maybe in doing that, i forget the pain. the pain of thinking about her suffering and just for a while, everything's alright.

apart from that, i've been thinking about 2011. and honestly, it wasn't the best year. i think a lot of people share my sentiments. but as i walked into Novena that day to put flowers (during the service, we forgot haha), i heard the priest say that instead of wishing for better things in 2012, we should be grateful for what we had in 2011 and pray that we will continue to be blessed. i am grateful. i'm so thankful for the family i have been immensely blessed with, the country i was born in, the friends i have come to know and love and my life as a whole. it's not perfect. just as daddy told me that day, i need to stop expecting and looking for perfection. I'm not going to get it. I just need to be happy. be happy with what i have and be happy for what may come my way. so for 2012, i place my life in God's hands. whatever is meant to be, will be. I just hope to have the courage. and to be.. bolder. to dare to take the risks, to dare to get what i want, and to dare to get hurt. because that's what i fear most i think. i immediately think firstly about my heart and trying all the ways i can to protect it. perhaps if you never give your heart away, then you can never really experience anything huh. ah well. i need to grow some balls ( not literally obviously)

I'm so ready for 2012. I'm going to have the time of my life!

I'll be home for Christmas

2011-12-25T08:53:00.000-08:00

“The most beautiful clothes that can dress a woman are the arms of the man she loves,” [Yves Saint Laurent] once said. “But for those who haven’t had the good fortune of finding this happiness, I am there.”

so i'm being mushy today in the spirit of christmas. this is really too sweet!

"Before you answer that, Drew, think about it. Think about it really carefully. You know what I'm like. You know how I can get selfish when I'm tired. You know how I get needy when I'm on my period. You know that I get jealous and insecure when I see my boyfriend with other women, even if they're just friends. And if you can't handle that, then we shouldn't even be considering this."

I chuckled and planted a kiss on her temple. "Yeah, I do know. But I also know that when your boyfriends are tired and exhausted, you make them hot chocolate and rub their heads until they feel better. You're always there to reassure them when they're feeling stressed out and inadequate. You make them breakfast on their birthdays. You text them cheerful messages right before tests or important events."

Laney shook her head in embarrassment.

"So when I weigh the costs versus benefits, it seems to me that I'd much rather have you as my girlfriend than have to watch you be someone else's girlfriend for some asshole who doesn't deserve you."

She brought her head up to look at me. Her expression was shy and her eyes were wide and shiny, almost like she was storing tears in them and trying desperately to stop them from falling. "So what you're saying is, you deserve me?"

I shook my head. "No. But honestly, I'm the closest to deserving than anyone else is going to get."

On that note, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

whatever.

2011-12-23T01:57:00.000-08:00

sometimes i don't even know why i have friends, really.

i should just be Boo Radley, he wouldn't have to put up with crap.

wish i could be, part of your world.

2011-12-21T09:21:00.000-08:00

today, i realised what it felt to be surrounded by people yet still feel completely alone.

and it made me feel miserable.

thankfully i met ash, who cheered me up unknowingly by seeing the light in her eyes as she spoke about D. i love that she's so happy. and that made me happy.

what made me even happier was watching the little mermaid. i so desperately wish i were Ariel.

' the world out there's a mess. life under the sea is better' - Sebastian. Yes, indeed.

Magic.

2011-12-19T08:19:00.000-08:00

Hong Kong was pretty great. the holiday started out rocky cause our flight had quite a bit of turbulence, and the people on the flight seemed barbaric. and our flight got delayed. so when we landed we ended up waiting for about 2 hours in the airport for our transport which had already been pre-organised. i was in an especially bad mood since i was cold and hungry. so we reached the hotel past midnight and luckily HK almost never sleeps, so we could venture out to find some food to eat. the restaurant we went to had such salty food, it was pretty gross. so in the beginning, the holiday didn't seem too good.

the hotel was pleasant and so were the rooms so i got a good night's rest and the next day we had a half-day city tour with other singaporeans. it was impressive! we managed to see so much within a span of 5 hours. I realised that there's more to HK than all the shopping and in a place so busy and cosmopolitan, just like singapore, it's often hard to forget the significance of its' history. we went to a pearl factory and dad bought me this beautiful pearl necklace. it's purplish and simple, yet elegant. really, i have an undeniable attraction to pearls- though everyone obviously values diamonds more. True, diamonds are more expensive, but i find pearls so much more beautiful. it has a certain richness to it and dignity. beautiful. truly. yeah so after the tour and lunch, we took a train to the outlets, which were quite disappointing mainly because the prices were around the same, or even more than singapore's. i went into Coach and Kate Spade and even though the designs were pretty, i couldn't bring myself to see the logic in spending $800 on a bag. it just seems ridiculous. i think it's my innate desire to never be a brat. i've never had expensive taste and i refuse to have it unless i can personally afford it.

anyway, long story short. the next few days were spent shopping and we went to Shen Zhen, China for a day. though it was pretty much shopping paradise with all the bargaining and stuff, it was certainly an interesting experience because of the pick pockets. they were EVERYWHERE. and they love to target foreigners. i was kinda grateful for my brother looking out for me. he may be really annoying, but at least he's there for me. and there was this one time we were walking to the mrt and we were surrounded by these two guys who were definitely following us, planning to steal our bags. but it was amazing how when my dad turned around and glared (dad can be big and scary lol), they pretended they were talking on their handphones and backed off. made me really appreciate singapore and the safety we're blessed with.

HONG KONG DISNEYLAND.

BLISS.

MAGIC.

okay it wasn't that great in terms of the rides there and anyone who's been to the one in LA would probably call me naive, but for a disney fan-freak like me, my first trip to disneyland, regardless of quality would definitely be magical. i really felt like a small kid. and when i saw all the small kids running around, i envied them for i wished i had been able to experience this when i was younger and all i had were tv screens and story books. but oh well. i'm still grateful. yeah so my brother and i went on most rides and took photos. the parade was really cool too and my heart just warmed when i saw my disney princesses. omg. it was like a dream.

I took like the viking ride (RC Racer) all by myself and the people in the queue were staring at me weirdly wondering why in the world i would go for something like that by myself haha. i'm an adrenaline junkie sometimes, what can i say. it was even worse when they just needed one more person on the ride at that time so the guy called out for anyone who was alone and i had to raise my hand so he made me go to the front with everyone staring at me weirdly, to take the ride. dad caught a picture of my face on the ride, it was hilarious.

but the most magical experience of all (well, our hotel was mega cool too), were the fireworks in disneyland we went to watch on our last night. magic is really the only word to describe it. when it began the crowd was huge and everyone i guess was there to witness magic that they don't get to see in life everyday. when the songs came on in the castle and the fireworks started, i was captivated. i knew all the songs from all my disney movies, and the whole experience was so overwhelming, it brought tears to my eyes. legit. because at that moment of staring in wonder, i suddenly thought of the children all over the world, suffering in poverty, the children who didn't chose where they would be born, the children, who instead of experiencing this magic, were going through hell. it just impacted me so much, because it made me realise how lucky i was. and then after that, daddy took my hand as we left disneyland and the snow began falling because everyone was rushing out, and that's when i realised what magic really was.

yes, magic to me is disney. and disney will always be a huge part of me. but magic's more than that. Magic is when your parents know why you're pissed and do what they can to make it better. Magic is when your family's there for each other, and when you sit down to eat and joke. Magic is when Dad saw me looking at something in the disneyland shop and bought it for me, without me knowing. Magic is when Mummy queues up for 20 mins with me to ride the Dumbo elephant ride even though its probably meant for 5 year olds, because she knew how excited i was. Magic is when no matter how much my brother and i can piss each other off, we're always there for each other.

Magic, simply put, is love. and that's what disney is all about. it's about knowing that even though it may seem impossible, even if one has fins instead of legs, you can find love. It's about accepting differences, and loving still. It's about going to such extents, like a magic carpet, to show someone you love them. Most importantly, its that hope that maybe, foolish as this may sound, that if you wish upon a star, your wish will come true. Not literally perhaps, but having the courage to wish for something and having the hope. maybe then, you'll never really grow old.

tell me princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?

reflection.

2011-12-18T01:09:00.000-08:00

why can't i ever have a dose of self-confidence?

everyone thinks i have when honestly, my lack of self-esteem is appalling and frankly, embarrassing.

when will i ever like what i see in the mirror?

it's gonna be a night, to remember.

2011-12-16T21:57:00.000-08:00

Prom.

Prom was really awesome. it was everything that i had wanted it to be and wished it to be. having a room with my girls and with everyone looking off the charts, it was simply gorgeous. i absolutely loved my dress, mainly because it was so sparkly - definitely my kinda thing haha. anyway, the evening itself was fab with everyone taking photos and catching up after A's. For me, other than winning that watch in the lucky draw, the highlight was when sham requested Superbass to be played and my whole class immediately burst out into song. we belted out superbass, forget you and What makes you beautiful. it just reminded me of the times we had in the LT Ava, singing without a care in the world. it just warms my heart to know that we're all the same, even though time may make us change. we'll always be there for each other, and we'll go crazy together all the time. i love them so much, really. A12 for life.

Post-prom was great too! we headed down to Avatar and it really was a whole new environment. Gen met me there with shi jin! so it was even better :) and we all danced the night away. Just that feeling of letting loose and being able to have the time of my life dancing was exceptionally liberating and just plain wonderful. people are usually pretty surprised that i can dance and that i actually love it. i guess its one of those things that i never really had the chance to do. and being there with my girls was even more amazing. we really know how to have a good time. though there were a few bumps in the experience, as long as i keep safe and go with the right people, i'd definitely want to go again. though not too often, seriously, clubbing is really draining and the after-effect is pretty time-wasting. anyway, the tequila i took wasn't such a good idea so i was a little tipsy, but not too much. note to self: never touch tequila again. after post-prom, we hung out at starbucks just chilling and playing shoot,shag,marry. that was real hilarious. well except for the one with my brother, marinah's brother and nisa's brother. EW. i did not want to hear that sham and jozie would marry my brother. yuck. ew. gross. okay on to other things.

yeah, so we just enjoyed each other's company till the next day where we headed out for lunch and then went home. all in all, i really enjoyed myself, and it was definitely a night to remember.

thank you for the wonderful two years, VJ.

ps: i'll post about my trip to HK soon!

back.

2011-12-03T05:53:00.000-08:00

so it's been ages. i'm pretty sure no one comes by here anymore and in a way, and that may actually be a good thing.

this past few months have been crazy with studying and now, i'm just glad that A's ARE OVER. oh the liberation is immense! been having an awesome time just going out without a care in the world. other than being sick this past week, life's been bright.

but just with one part of life ending, another begins. I'm at a place where opportunities are knocking at my door. and though i've always wanted to be in this place, where i'd have a choice, where i can do anything, it sometimes just leaves me confused.

I want to be a lawyer. but sometimes these thoughts just seep in and i can't help but wonder if i'm good enough, if i'll be able to handle it and if i'll ever be prepared by how that decision is going to steer my life in a direction that many would not be comfortable with.

I watched Fairly Legal with the intent of proving chrissy wrong - that Kate was not like me. when i started watching it, i realised that Kate was capable, cool and unconventional. she seemed lively, sociable and smart. Something that i wish to think i am, and i began to realise that it would be fine to be paralleled to Kate, and i messaged chrissy with a smile on my face to tell her i agreed. Then the episodes passed, and I saw another side to Kate. that made her shockingly real to me. the association wasn't something i was proud of anymore. but it was frightfully true. the way that she behaved in the relationship, just played on the screen what i'd feared I'd be, and yet what i'd believed I would do. close off. fill my life with tasks, and make myself busy, meet people and it'll seem like everything's just fine. and then i'd shut out a person who's supposed to matter. not have any time and in the end, have that moment of sitting down and crying my eyes out wondering where things went wrong. and it just made me think. is this what i want out of my life? and even though i was so filled with fear, i realised that maybe i'd rather be in that position knowing that i tried for my dreams. instead of settling with doing something less demanding, less fulfilling, and hoping that i'd find a relationship that would make me happy - that i'd have time, and energy for. because right now, I've never experienced it for it to sway my judgment.

Just like daddy always says, things come at a cost. No one's life is perfect.

I can't seem to grasp this concept, because I'm always wanting perfection. always. it's almost a disease. haha.

At this point, i don't know how my life will turn out. who i'll meet. and how it will all turn out.

I guess i just need to trust in God and in fate, to show me the way, and to catch me, when i fall.

beautiful monster.

2011-02-12T01:21:00.001-08:00

It was during yesterday's Never Have I Ever game that I truly realised how pathetic I truly am.
donotpityme.

finally made it, through the lonely

2011-02-02T04:34:00.000-08:00

I'm finally finally feeling it. Let's see where this goes. haha hopefully, it'll last more than a week and nothing happens to make me wna give up.

HAPPY CNY ALL!
imma spend my holiday... studying.
FML.
but it kinda feels good after slcaking so much during orientation(which was amazing)
ILY R5! awesome ppl. teehee.
RHEA!RH-RHEA!RHEA!

Why Can't I

2011-01-28T07:31:00.000-08:00

Why can't I be like a NORMAL girl and just crush normally? the fear of hurt and disappointment is too much. WHAT.IS.WRONG.WITH.ME

on a lighter note,
ORIENTATION HAS ROCKED SO FARRRR!

****.

2011-01-01T07:08:00.000-08:00

screw this.
i'm just so confused.
why the hell are you always getting angry?
i feel like wringing my own neck sometimes.
do you know how hurt i am? are you even aware?
it must always be my own fault right? i'm the mean one, who has no consideration for people's feelings.
sometimes i just wanna go far far away.
my new years sucks. just screw it.
thanks for making me feel like shit.
sometimes, i just wanna go overseas and study.
it rarely occurs to me, but im feeling it now.
maybe if im away, you'll actually appreciate me.

i've screwed up my new years.
i'm not gonna screw up the rest of the year. not if i can help it.

2 zero 1 one

2011-01-01T04:36:00.000-08:00

this new years day has sucked so far, but the only two good things are i visited my lovely grandparents today and i now, feel like really studying ohhhyeaahh.

finished my H3 essay alr, so i have to start more reading now.
and now in my studying mood, dk if i shld do richard or maths!
hehe imma happy person now, all ready to start the road towards A's. bring it on baby.
haha i've been motivated by OLK too, who told me to rid my bad mood by studying!AMEN.

before i start to hit the books,
one resolution this year is definitely to excel during A's.
i'm gonna be so focused and dedicated to studying.yes i am.

anw, this week is gna be packkedd!
tmr: out with chech, SHOPPPIIINNNGG!
mon: taking out stitches and CT CHALET!( gah hopefully i can stayyy)
tues,wed,thurs,fri: OGL traininggg! plus spending time with chech before she has to leave:(
and then on sunday: partttyy @ jia's!:)

k bye folks. gotta do my resolutions lisssttt!

TWO ZERO ONE ZERO.

2010-12-30T19:49:00.000-08:00

so yes. here we come to the final post of this year.
i feel like this whole year has zoomed by and i think in the midst of it zooming by me, i've grown so much this year, more than anything that i've experienced.

I've dealt with successes, surprises, good grade,bad grades. I've made new friends, grown in my friendships with the old ones, and lost some.

I've realised what friendship means, what's important in life, and how i need to focus on developing myself as a person.

I've struggled, i've cried and i've felt like giving up and through it all, i think i'm a much better person.

Thank you GOD, thanks for my family and thanks for my friends.

Thanks also for A12, because never have i experienced so much love coming in one whole bundle:) this year was great because of you guys. for all the laughs, for teh comfort, for the advice, for the sillyness, the dancing, singing, gossiping and loving. i really wouldn't have it any other way. I hope and I know that next year, our friendships will blossom even more and nothing will come in our way. i love you guys with all my heart. and i can't wait to go back to school to see all your lovely faces. you make me smile:) my happy pills. haha

Thanks for CT FOR BEING SUCH AN AWESOME FUN CCA;) YOU GUYS MAKE COUNCIL COOL. haha

Thanks for Chrissy, X-GIRLS, the CLIQUE, J.A.M, LIS+LIZ+CELLY for being the constant pillars of strength for me;)

Thanks for everything that i've been blessed with this year and thanks for the failures, because with every failure, i've become stronger.

Some things that will stay in my heart forever- 2010 MOMENTS:
- getting into VJ( i've gotten into my dream school)
- CT and getting into the Exco ( you guys are awesomezxz)
- SINGING AND DANCING WITH A12 haha at the Black Velvet and wherever we are
- cycling with jan, m, fang and OLK
- GLAMAZON.COM with the Divas! haha esp ur amazing advertisement
- studying for promos in starbucks and being comforted knowing that my friends were doing the same haha
- LIZ, CEL,AND LISSA SURPRISING ME on my birthday. haha best surprise for reeeaaalllyy surprising me!
- Out with che-che lavinia; shoppping and chatting. I've always wanted an older sister, and i realised that i've had one all along. love you more than words can say.
- Out with Diyanah; and going crazy and being all girly!
- Famine camp
- JCLP
- Meeting my new cousins( that i never knew existed before)
- Going for my first flea
- birthday partiesss
- and an AWESOME christmas:)
- A12 X'MAS PARTYY
- my tooth operation. OUCH.
- and basically spending time with the people i love.

Some stuff i haven't done this year?:
- Fallen in love
- Gotten drunk
- Broken my heart
- Baked and Cooked
- learnt to roller-blade
- ice-skate
-and more.but i'm getting lazy already.

2010, you have been good to me.THANKS, AND FAREWELL.
2011, baby, bring it on.

I'll see you guys next year!
hehe till tomorrow,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! MAY IT BE AS FANTASTIC FOR YOU AS IT WILL BE FOR ME:)

when a heart breaks, it don't break even.

2010-12-21T09:16:00.001-08:00

mummy told me something today.
she said she's disappointed in me because she thought she brought me up to have a self-esteem, which i severely lack.
how can i when i'm so perfectly flawed?
i'm not like her, i'm not as beautiful or wtv as she was so she wouldn't understand.
but i'm happy that she noticed.
someone does care.

SOS

2010-12-20T06:16:00.001-08:00

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE FIND ME A CRUSH? IVE FORGOTTEN WHAT IT'S LIKE.

I'm invisible, but everyone knows who you are.

2010-12-20T05:50:00.001-08:00

Something is on my mind, but i'm just not ready to share it with anyone yet. It's something that i've got to get through on my own and fast. because i'm not gonna let my weakness drain me any longer.

went out with D today!
hehe so fun:DDD reliving childhood memories. we really get along well.
wow ive missed her haha. i can be like crazy and childish and fun around her^^
watched Nania for the 2nd time- rly love it.

then met oomptata and nisa to watch OLK perform!
it was good:) and i've realised that i'm actually harbouring the same prejudices he has towards certain people. DAMNNN.
Jozie joined us and oomp left with jared and justin.
ate YAMI for dinner whilst BITCHING.haha missed them!

damn tired now. OGL meeting tmr-siannnn.

it was, enchanting to meet you.

2010-12-19T08:24:00.000-08:00

i had a dream yesterday.
and like i felt so happy.
and then i woke up.
and that, my friends, is where i wish. i could just sleep and not wake up.
i'm not in love, therefore, reality is not better than my dreams.

i almost fainted today.
and like as i was trying to walk back home. it occurred to me, just like it did to Bones.
if my life were to end, would i be able to die without regrets? i guess everyone has regrets, but regrets that rip your heart open? that's something i'd never want to have.

Will pushing people down, get you where you wanna go?

2010-12-19T06:43:00.000-08:00

BACK!
my trip was kinda cool:)
all i did was SHOP and EAT. like a pig haha.
did loads of shopping and im real retail-therapied now;)
the only con was that my wisdom tooth was really killing me. couldnt eat like steak and stuff cuse my gums hurt like a bitch.
so yeah dad brought me to a dentist ytd and she said that i need to operate:(
operating on the 27th sighhhh. atleast it'll be after most xmas parties.
i'll have to eat porridge and be in pain:(
today i was in soo much pain cause like ytd she cleaned my teeth and took out the infected puss. can die.
so damn painful.
so yes just have to suck it up and suffer till the 27th
on the bright side, i'm FINALLY meeting Diyanah tmr!!
woop woop.
im excited and nervous too.
haha gna eat and watch tron.
so yeah, until tmr!

ps: jan and M hurry come bacccck! heh i miss y'all:(.

GAH.

2010-12-14T06:08:00.000-08:00

i finally get what mum and dad mean sometimes.
i put in alot of effort into my frendships.
and sometimes. i really wonder why.
i really treasure my friends.
but when i sit back and take a look at it all.
who will really be the ones there for me?
as i get older, im starting to realise, it's not about how MANY friends you have, but how many will be there for you when you really need them?
i heard this once and i totally agree.
A true friend is one who can sense the frown behind your smile.
i try to be that friend for people.i try.
by remembering when they leave sg for a holiday, staying up the best i can till its 12 for their birthdays, putting off other stuff to go for their events/impt dates, planning outings etc. and maybe. i am doing too much.
i think its time for me to take a step back.
i cant help it, its just the kind of person i am. making sure everyone knows that i care about them.
but.
if only i felt that everyone feels the same way.
don't get me wrong. i already know who my close friends are.
and i hope i never lose them.
maybe im just thinking too much. but it's just been occuring to me lately.
especially in light of recent events as some of you may know.
so yeah.
i really need this holiday haha

like you're the only girl in the world

2010-12-14T06:01:00.001-08:00

AHHH GONNA MISS YOU ONE DIRECTION. I WANT YOUR ALBUM.
hehe.

anyways,
today was quite a good and bad day.
had march camp mtg- great adhoc:)
then like my library card was too faded so i cldnt borrow my hist books:(
went to suntec starbucks and did math! and a lidddle econs but i was sleeping HAHA
drank only coffee the whole day and my stomach ached like MMADDD
dad reached earlier than expected and made me run(with my blistered feet) to cityhall. my blisters BLED;( shouldve worn higher socks with my new vans sigh.
then we went to NUS LIBRARY!and i borrowed all my books. love you daddy.
i can now sleep in peace(Y)
then we went out for dinner. yummy yummy food. and i just chiong-ed my packing HAHA
leaving tmr at an UNEARTHLY hour of 5am. SRZLY? now i have to wash my hair since i cant do it in the morning.ZZZ LAZY.
so i decided to like almost-not sleep tonight since i'll end up sleeping in the car.so. why waste time? HAHA
i shall watch bones and tidy up my history essay. then do some reading, and dream abt my madd shopping in KL over the next few days.
i cant wait for a break;)
seeya when im back!

love the way you lie.

2010-12-11T08:13:00.002-08:00

she's right about you.
It's not an excuse. and if it is, then I'd never want to ever do that.
HEHE TWITTER is my refuge. Cant say anything i want without worrying:))
so now. let the test begin.

ANYWHOO.
went for flea with M and Nisa just nao:) it was gd for me! haha bought a dress, top and handbag for $28. not bad huh! haha
then chatted @macs with them before M and i went for tuition. Poor Mr Naresh, only 3 of us were in class tdy! haha
yup, real tired now. shall read my PAP book for H3, then snooze.

waching vamp diaries too. AH DAMON!

Love the way ou lie.

2010-12-11T08:13:00.001-08:00

in a world, full of wrong, you're the thing that's right.

2010-12-10T05:09:00.000-08:00

wow so many things to update, but i dont wna spend too much time here hahaha.
HIGHLIGHTS:

1. Sleepover with lissa, liz, celly:)

2. Meeting Gen WEEKLY (HAJI LANE FLEA)- bought awesome stuff for awesome prices. Gen has officially stripped my of my flea-virgin status. HAHA ily gen, hurry come back from India! and in one piece plz haha

3. Sentosa with my A12 darlings + Shilun-- omg so fun!!! they make me soo happy, i can't describe it in words lol.

4. Job attachment at Baker&Mckenzie (JCLP) WAS REALLY GOOD!MY GROUP ROCKED SOCKS. haha love them! we had soo much fun during lunch breaks and whilst working. we chatted via email HAHAHAHA. my mentor was kinda cool too. free lunch at Straits Kitchen was YUM. and drinks at Harry's (non-alcoholic of course)

5. Gerard and Vanessa's birthday parties. FUN WITH THE FAMILY YO.

6. SATs- no eyecandy:( but it was pretty good. easy math! HAHA

7. Daddy back from states like some kinda of santa claus( 3 PAIRS OF VANS baybehhh!+ aeropostale hoodie and shirts + VS perfume + COACH pouch + Nike stuffs)= IMMA HAPPY GIRL. THANKS DAD<3

8.A12 GOES OUT! WITH OOMPTATA BACK FROM MY HOMELAND.sooo much fun with the girlies = prank calls + hindi songs acted out HAHAHAH + laughing like crazy till ppl were STARING at us!

9.Lunches with my JCLP GROUP<3

10. Today: DAY OUT WITH CHRISSY<3 we went to NEX! and watched TANGLED. omg i absolutely LOVED the movie. brought out my inner child- according to chrissy HAHAHA. chatted for a longgg time love her ttm.if there even is a max:)

NEXT WEEK:
Sat-Flea with M, Nisa + (whoever who hasnt replied me haha)
Sun- X'MAS tree!
Mon- Out with Jia+Ama. CANNOT WAIT TO SEE MY BBies:)
Tues-March Camp meeting
Wed- OFF TO KL!!:) and will be back on Sat. ahh can't wait!

xoxo

I'm sorry for that night

2010-12-01T05:50:00.000-08:00

I'm falling back into it again and I need to stop.
It's not good for my health, I know it isn't and I'm already feeling it.
But. I can't stop. It's just the easier way out.

and no, this is not about drugs.

I miss you,A12.

2010-11-30T05:20:00.000-08:00

talkng to OLK during work just now made me realise that i already miss him, and A12:(
it's funny cause we just saw each other last friday at sentosa( which i will elaborate when i dont have a fever-yes, i have a fever now:()

so, i'm too lazy to blog, thus i'll leave you with what my darlings have written about my amazing class.

OLK:
"Simple as it is, today just made me miss all of you so much
especially with the ever lingering thought of the fun you all were
having at sentosa. It’s not that I was tortured here (I find that my
stories of choir is far too dismal, I have friends here too) but its
just that I don’t feel as comfortable or at ease like when I am with you.

I need to explain my jokes and I need to mince my words, but to you, I don’t.

And I can be open about my aspirations or who I admire without getting sniggers.

As in, some parts of the day made me feel like crap but only because

those moments made me remember more clearly how this would have been

perfect had I been with you. "

MIAO:

'Sentosa with my A12 darlings+Shilun on a sunny/rainy Friday afternoon! Finally, somewhere away from town. For a moment, I felt like Betty and Veronica because they always go the beach during their summer holidays, haha.

Some people may not understand this but being with my class has brought so much love and enjoyable times. I feel accepted and loved by my classmates, people whom I swear to keep them in my heart for the rest of my life because they are that amazing. They are what made school interesting for me. I hope you will have the opportunity to have one amazing class in your life.'

Miao's right. I have had amazing classes in my life. especially 4/2 and A12. I'm one lucky egg and i thank God for them:)

I miss you A12.
and you shld know, I'm actually excited for school to start only because I get to be with ya'll for arnd 7 hours= heaven.
you have made my day, week and year.
and let's hope that next year, will be even more smashing as we offer our shoulders to each other during the trek towards A's.
You have given me strength to succeed, and i love you.

teardrops on my guitar.

2010-11-20T06:18:00.001-08:00

I'm so sick of it.
sick of holding my breath when people talk about it,hoping that they would just leave me out of the convo, whilst i sit there and pretend not to listen, and guard my emotions.
I'm sick of looking in the mirror.
I'm sick of remembering all those flashbacks that make my heart ache.
I'm sick of not being able to be myself and being so bloody vulnerable and self-conscious.
why can't I EVER be happy with myself?
i really want to crawl into a hole right now.
SCREW THIS.

like a G6.

2010-11-09T05:56:00.000-08:00

today was great. haha had lotsa fun:)
went to OLK's house for PW! and i think it's really looking good yeahhh.
haha managed to do quite a bit, ordered in pizza, thanks Mr Ong!
then we practised more and GY left. haha nisa and shameera crashed after that and we played TABOO. so funnnn love them all.
then nisa sham joz and i headed to serangoon gardens, where i met Chrissy<3.
went to frolick and we sat and talked till like 7 whoaa.
saw some ppl i knew too.
love you chrissy. she's one of the really few ppl who understand me the best. well, she probably does understand me the best")

tmr, have OP prep in the morning then OGL interviews!
and on Fri, i have OP dumdumdumdumm
then after that out with my A12 darlings, meet Gen for dinner, then SLEEPOVER(finally) with celly lizzi and lissa.
life is good:)

she's right. you're the perfect one for me, even though i try to deny it.i think i always will. i guess it's easier that way isn't it? i'm not going to hope. I'm just going to let life take me with it, and maybe, someday, I'll see you again, on a perfect day.but until then,you'll be at the farthest corner of my head. defense mechanism, i'm lucky to have it. sometimes.

smiling but we're close to tears

2010-11-08T05:42:00.000-08:00

i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care.
i need to keep chanting that to myself.
wth is wrong with me?
i am IN NEED of retail therapy gah.
so yes.
i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care.

There's nothing you can't do.

2010-11-08T01:35:00.000-08:00

OMG. I AM IN LOVE WITH THE VAMPIRE DIARIES. FINALLY, SUCH AN AWESOME SERIES.
damn salvatore, jeremy <3
HOT AND SEXY.
haha only M understands me:)

anw,
malay A's are over:)
only PW left now.

Nothing much gg on. last week,
met Gen for Dinner @ Jalan Kayu:)
haha everyone says we're forver meeting each other,
but we don't care lol.
cousins came down from te philippines,
and aunty julie too:)
went out to serangoon road, bought my deepavali outfit!

on thurs, uncle ranjiv's birthday was really fun. haha my cousins were all pretending we were in some rock band and i took vids. one day when we're old and grey, we're gonna laugh our heads off watching it. good times(Y)
rashyr. mark, vanessa and sonia stayed over!
then headed ove rto grandma's for deepavalie tea and went out for karaoke!
i love my family.

my f-ing wisdom tooth has bee giving me HELL. i'm so frustrated. can't wiat to take it out manz.

so yeah.
went back to sch for PW today. need to work on my I&R sigh. i can't wait for PW to be overrr. PARTY.

so yeah. now, im gna watch harper's island and dream about damon salvatore.
that sexy smirk. hehe

xo

MY MUM IS DAMN FUNNY.

2010-10-29T03:57:00.000-07:00

mum: I'm glad that you've been doing so well
me: okay
mum: you must focus on your studies all the way to A's. Boys come later
me: Boys don't even come!
mum: THAT'S GOOD!
me: WAHLAO.thanks ah.

ROFL.

I'm Just A Kid

2010-10-28T06:45:00.000-07:00

and life is a nightmare.

WTF IM SO DAMN BLOODY PISSED OFF. WHAT A HORRIBLE WEEK.
the only shining light is some good news for my friends.
but other than that.
URGH
SCEW IT.

I'M ALAYS DOING SOMETHING WRONG RIGHT?
GOD I FEEL LIKE I'M IN SOME GLASSBOX SOMETIMES.
I'm still a teen okay? I'm gna make mistakes.
It' a part of life.
Nobody's perfect, and I hate it that you expect me to be.

With every beat of my heart.

2010-10-26T07:06:00.000-07:00

THIS IS FROM OLK'S TUMBLR;)I THINK ITS AWESOME.though i disagree with the PULLING OF MY HAIR!STUPID ONGLINGKANG.

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A TEEN=
"To me its about playing What time is it Mr Wolf with A12, putting on plays in the Black Velvet with A12, mugging at Starbucks with A12, going home with Meri and Dean on 135. And talking, lots of talking. Being a teen is about expressing myself uninhibited and daring to try anything fearlessly. Though I must admit, the fearless part I have sort of loss after last year’s heartbreak but I am glad having fun is a motif so strongly reinforced by A12. I mean, as much as I really want to yank every strand of hair out of Marrissa Miralini Karuna’s head and Joazrina Zaleha Yusof head after that prank, I guess I wont. Thats what being young is about right? Playing pranks on each other, pretending to be people and so on. I swear VJC would be a total torture without A12, instead it has become the epitome of my teenage dream. I know now, that ten years from now, twenty years from now, I wont remember about Venice or the SOVs but I would definitely remember about clubbing at the Black Velvet, going for Breakfast, conducting our own GP lesson, the scandals, the bitching, the chasing after each other. These I will remember. A12, we only have about a year with each other or maybe even less. That makes me feel like a lone whale in the large antarctic, the silence deafening. I look left and I look right but only mountains of salt and Ice linger. Oh well, life really isn’t the same for the lone whale without his herd. Life would never be the same without A12. Oh well, let us treasure our time here because what is happening to us now is rare. Think about it, we are a class without cliques because the whole class is a clique. That has never happened before in my history and I am certain in many other people’s histories. We are not bonded. No that is too forced a term for the natural fusion our class went through when we first met. And that I don’t have much more time to be young, so I better make the most of it! "

I LOVE MY CLASS.
xo,
mars

flashforwad and we're taking on the world together

2010-10-25T05:37:00.000-07:00

OMG I CANNOT WAIT FOR TAYLOR SWIFT. this is lke some freaking dream come true for me la! HELL YEAH. im giving up SS3 for this! sigh wish i wouldnt have to. but what to do? not enough money poo.

nothing much has been going on haha/
crashed CJ with Pai last friday, met Gen and Ven<333 and saw chrisyy, lis, celly, eugey, su:)
out to ThaiExpress with Pai, Gen and Ven was HILARIOUS. laughed my ass off. Bullying ven seriously reminds me how much i miss her! HAHA rofl it was epic. i had an awesome time. miss them so so much!! meet again soon k!

on saturday, had the University panel thing. which was REALLY boring. everything said could be found in the books -.- boring. haha then clara, M and i went to suntec starbucks to study. did some malay but... not much hehe. cuz of jozie's call about taylor swift:):) then off to tuition with Mr Naresh. Haha he's so cute i swear.

Sunday, had lunch with the family. Rashyr and Mark are visting:) Rashyr's gna watch Taylor Swift with me :) then attempted to study malay. but. oh wells.

had malay mock exam today. lameass. seriously, i think the chinese teachers has PMS or sth. weird. yup then had PW with the divas and played a prank on OLK. srzly, BEST PRANK EVER. hehehehhehehehehehe.
went to library to get books and found a potential H3 topic! yayy.

sigh. now. i shall go and do my OP script.

xo,
mars

Freedom means nothing but missing you.

2010-10-20T08:06:00.000-07:00

i really relater to T.Swift's Back to December.
can totally see myself doing something stupid like that haha.
anw.

got all results back.
Imma happy girl for Hist, Lit and GP!
was damnnn shocked for GP and Lit. but i think could've done better for Hist, but I'm grateful.
met/exceeded all my expectations except for dumbshit maths.
sigh
nvm, press on!
Hopefully now, can take H3 Hist. plz plz plz.

just talked to chrissy on the phone. Im so lucky i have awesome friends.

went out with mum and dad ytd! to 313. ate at Marche ytd, yum yum. haha i think the parents like it:) Bought a St Louis handbag!its reddd.

oh yeah the HAZE EFFING SUCKS.
going out in the open air is killing me srzly.today fell sick. my throat is dry and my eyes are watery plus the haze gives me a headache.
but my A12 babes made my day:)
after funny malay in the morning haha Nats, Khai and Afiqah are FOS.lolol
then went out with M, Jan, Fang,Miao, Clara, Rach and Choi!
ate lunch and watched LIFE AS WE KNOW IT.
omg everyone go and watch it! super nice. and Josh duhamel is SMOKING HOT.
CTI.
whoa M and I were like squealing hehe. and the movie's super good.
aww cutesy baby.
then walked around for a while. hehe eyecandy.
our time signs are awesome huh.HAHA
so fun, love you all!
now im doing malay.Got one more paper to do:(
damnnnn.
k gtg study sadly now.

I NEED NEW VANS/KEDS!

xox,
mars

you know i'll take your hand

2010-10-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

got mahs and econs back.
screwed math big time (passed though), did quite well for econs.
getting back hist and gp tmr.SIGH.
went to novena and just surrendered it all to God. If it's his will, then things will turn out good.

anw.
on friday, ponned.HEHE;) thenw went for jap lunch with the family and then had dinner at Red Dot. whoa damn nice. the place is srzly cool. Dad allowed me to drink so he ordered Spironelli or wtv (the GREEN beer) for me. half a pint. I chugged down like the tester cup and my bro kept teasing me on how i wasn't pro. bleah. HAHA but i obviously couldn't finish then dad had to help. i suck rofl. but it was not bad:)
the food was great and the band was awesome. haha they sang happy birthday to dad. embarrassinggg. haha
watched Bloody Valentine with the parents after that whilst doing PW. not v scary.
oh yeah! i watched I know what you did last summer AND I still know what you did last summer.By MYSELF.ALONE.AT NIGHT. how bout a round of applause?^^
those were scary manz.O.o watched sorority row just now. DISAPPOINTING. they good actors yet.. the script was like I Still know what you did last summer. so it was pretty boring to me.
on saturday had meeting at Lumpy's! HAHA whoa his mum prepared a feast for breakfast! and his little brother is damn cute. omg. so nerdy and cute haha. i think i kinda freaked him out though. with my pedophillic(sp?) ways. HAHA sorryyy. yeah so meeting was fun! and get this. Yongs doesnt think that the girl in Just The Way You Are MV is pretty. I can't believe it. she puts the G to Gorgeous!
so then had a HTHT with yongs, meng, lum and kenny over lunch after sylvia left with her baby haha( hope it went well:))
damn people have so much drama in their lives. nothing ever happens to me haha.
had dad's birthday party at night. Happy Birthday Daddy!
twas fun. miss hanging out with my family. exams really erode the fostering of relationships. Miao, when you become education minister, you know what to do.HEHE.

today went to suntec starbucks for pw.we fin our WR wheee:)its fantabulous.
then went out to meet my parents at 313.we had tea then shoppinnnggg. I couldn't find things to but at F21(IKR!) they need to import in better dresses. the tops are nice but not as worth it. and being a thrifty teenager, i only spend when its value for moneh. so ended up buying a ring.
bought a top, dress and cardigan from cotton on though. IMMA HAPPY GIRL.
there was this cute salesguy. omg im sucha noob. cuz like he came to me and asked me something. but like i couldn't really hear, so i jut shook my head, half-smiled and walked away. then i realised. maybe he said 'WELCOME TO COTTON ON' and then i just had to go prove that im a retard. yup, that's me folks. haha.
oh and i realised that orchard central is REAL DEAD. it's damn boring and the carpark sucks to the mountain tops.
had dinner, stuffed my face, came home, stomach pain. it's all a damn cycle.psht.
it was damn funny cause mum made me to go buy bread for her at the mama shop then came out and aunty jeanette was talking to my mum and lis was in the car so i went to talk to her and my stomach was aching like mad. and she just laughed. tskk. then i had no choice but tell my mum to stop talking cuz i really needed to go home and use the toilet. haha embarrassment.
so yes. just watched sorority row. im way too tired. will do council stuff etc tmr!
and tmr.i start malay studying.
danggit.
bye folks.
xo,
mars

What hurts the most.

2010-10-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

A SAFETY NET.
yep.
i think thats how i'm being objectified.
I know you felt awkward and left out, but don't you know we feel the same way too.
Like how do we talk to you without feeling it.It just involuntarily creeps up.
I don't know what to do.
In all honesty, i think she's right. Is it that you don't treasure our friendship?
our phone calls are always cut short and I feel its cuz yo dont want to talk to me.
it's okay, i'll get over it? but it's really a pity. because i wish you were there for me like how i am for you.
I don't know. Maybe i've got it all wrong.
Maybe it's something else holdingus back.
looks like the healing process is takng longer then i thought.but i think it doesn't really matter to you maybe? you have all your favourites anyway.
you don't need me.
that's what i'm feeling now.

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE.
had a lameass relationship talk today.I didnt really benefit from it cause i couldn't really relate that much? and i've heard it all before.
hahahaaha. gosh teasing J and S is damnnn fun! sorry J:).hahahahhaha

then had exco meeting. I miss them:) haha gg to lumpy's house on saturdayyy:) haha he's gna make us breakfast.o.o haahah
then we'll lunch tgt!
yayzer.
then went home after MT briefing, watched the rest of eclipse(which i think is not bad) and then went out to meet GEN<3.

ate at F.I.S.H and shared a meal.not bad, saved my money and talked.and talked. we both helped each other:) I hope.HAHA.then went to walk around. walked to LIDO, met JIABBY<3 and we went to MOSto chill and talk.damn i miss them. ahah GOOD LUCK JIA BBY FOR LIT ILY.

talke bout some serious stuffs.hope everything turns out okay:)
so yeah. just di PEEDOUBLEEEW. gna pon sch tmr to do it too:)
I'm determined to get that A.and i believe we CAN do it DIVAS! HALER.hahahha
kk gtg tyyy and do more pw if not just CRASH.

lub,
Mars

I know I can count on you, like four, three, two.

2010-10-10T06:17:00.001-07:00

That song keeps playing on in my head haha and I always think of lissa <3

damn i miss you BF.
can't wait to hang with her on tues! got a lot to tell her manz.
and then on wed, i have a date with gen:)
I'm doing PW now.OHTHEJOY.
today i just spent the day lazing at home.
was supposed to meet diyanah, but i didn't feel good, sorry babe!
will make sure i meet her soon!

i've been sleeping LIKEAPIG.goodness.i woke up at 11.30 today. and then i slept AGAIN from 2.30 to 5!wl.waste time.BUT its okay hehe time can be wasted now.lol

saw the application for H3.i wanna apply for history but i have to get my promo results first SIGH. i really really hope that i do well:/

i have to get started on studying malay boohoo.life sucks with MT.but it'll be overrr soon.

and i can't wait to check out the EYECANDY during SATs in dec:) wheee.that'll serve as motivation to do the whole thing wahahaha.

oh this weekend, i've watched Leap Year(MATTHEW (GOOD)E.)hehe, Hotel for Dogs, the last song, and when in rome! watching Eclipse now.thank you meng for telling me about FUNSHION.whoa GO AND DOWNLOAD IT.AWESOMEAMAZING.haha

AND WHEN ARE WE HAVING OUR SLEEPOVER HUH LIS,LIZ AND CEL?!hahaha

xo,
mars

Time, flies, when you're having fun.

2010-10-09T00:01:00.000-07:00

GOSH BODY ACHING.
yesterday was open house. kinda phailll.HAHA
but mass dance was fun!and checking out the potential juniors next year teehee.
OMGG HANIS HAS A BOYFRIEND.SHOCKED TTM.i swear i was GAPING at her lololol.and he was her crush!HOW COOL IS THAT.so proud of her.HAHA and i was super retarded cuz he inroduced himself to me, and i was like, 'I KNOW'.hahahaha gosh whats wrong with me.
HAHAHAHA
and joshua choo can SING!whoa.
had a good talk with yongs ytd before dad picked me. hope he'll feel better!
watchd the last song last night.it's surprisingly good.i cried.BUT ONLY A LITTLE.the little boy is damn cute. and liam hemsworth is swoon-worthy. Mily cyrus ahs a rly weird way of speaking.it was kinda annoying. i think she actd quite well though. How do you make yourself cry fakely.she was pretty good but i still dont like her.
woke up at 12 today.SO SO TIRED.and i really wna sleep again.but i shall be more productive and watch a movie cuz tonight, PW and i have a meeting.sighh
woke up this morning and saw numerous messages on my phone from diff people. including chrissy<3. i have a hot date with her on the phone tonight. yay like FINALLY.
i think i may be meeting diyanah tmr,not sure yet. hehe kinda nervous though!haven't seen her in ages!
kk gtg now.
watching a scary movie yo.
xo,
mars.

All this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending.

2010-10-07T08:54:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU SO DAMN MUCH A12.
WOW I RLY LOVE YOU GUYS
TO INFINITY AND BEYOND.

had dinner with the class and miss phua after a day spent with CT:)
it was a good day haha with stupid yao lum kenny meng shereen etc making me laugh my head off.
then i met the class and gosh, it was great.
i'll always remember it, that moment where we were all sitting and talking about nonsense, and i'll always remember it when people ask me about my jc life.You guys make it great.SRZLY.
okay then after dinner at siam kitchen, we went to koi and then miss phua, mei yin, miaowen, yunita and mel left.
we all sat down, in the middle of the playground and talked.and talked.and talked.
we just had the best heart to heart ever.
really, i can trust you guys with anything.
you know, i reallly miss IJ,and i always will.but being with you guys today, made me realise that missing IJ doesn't make me feel sad, it actually makes me feel happy cause i've been so blessed to have different phases of my life being enhanced by such wonderful people.People who don't judge, people, people who take the time and people who care. Thats the most important thing in the world.
so thanks guys and OMG i came home at 11.30.LOL hopefully the parentals dont give me an earful tmr haha but it'll be worth it.
LOVE YOU GUYS<333333333

you know how you said that I'm fierce sometimes?about that issue?
well, i thought a lot about it.and at first, i thought to myself, hey, maybe i'm being too rash and i'm being too hard on her.Then i realised.
you know what?I'm not.I'm just so protective over my friends.I hate it when they're hurt, and when they're betrayed.it tears me up inside. You know your downward spiral? do you realise that im just a step behind you?that's how much it affects me.It pulls me down too. So i think i have a right. I have a right to be angry at what she did. because the person to bear the consequences is not only you, it's me too. How do you think I feel when you cry and cry and I can do absolutely nothing?Well it sucks. My friends and family mean the world to me, so when things like these happen, you can't expect me to sit back and watch you fall.and you can't expect me to. because that's not the person that i am. There's a fine line between right and wrong.just as there is one in friendship. so when someone crosses the line, it's only natural for me to react that way.
so through this whole period, i'm going to do what i think is right and if you agree then okay, but if not, don't say i didn't look out for you.because i did and i always will.
because all in all, i think i'm a pretty good friend and i hope to continue being one.

xoxo,
mars

Half of my heart needs time.

2010-10-04T05:24:00.000-07:00

OKAY WHOO YEAH YEAH BABY PROMOS ARE OVER.

Well, i have malay tmr but IDGAF.hahaha
i was sooo super happy on friday, i kept jumping around hehehe.
then went for grandpa's 81st. i LOVE the restaurant, yummy food, bot bad eyecandy HEHE. saw fr simon there! haha then he hugged me and whispered in my ear: WHEN YOU ARE OLDER, AND YOU GET MARRIED, MARRY AN SJI BOY. SH, DON'T TELL YOUR MUMMY.
hahahha i swear he's FOREVER trying to matchmake IJ girls and SJI guys LOL.
so then on sat went out with my darling A12:)
we went to vivo and ate and shopped and lepak-ed. FUNNN hehe.
and the bumblebee baby is sooo QT. i really wna a babyyy!hehe with SI WON , right M?:)
hehehe.
then went for karaoke at night. sang like ALOT.then played car raicing at the arcade.HEH.I BEAT MY BROTHER YO.so proud of myself hehe.WAYY EXHILIRATING.
Oh, Mrs LKY died:(( RIP. i really admired her. she's so strong and humble, kind, smart, witty and just a onderful person.and her love with LKY is just WOW.srzly, thats why you should get married.SIGHH.
i watched SWEET HOME ALABAMA online. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.SUPER SWEET.
so yeah now im taking a break from malay.didnt even study actually. but really, im gg to be studying for A's anyway!
tmr gg to watch Charlie st cloud with the darlings again:)
I cant wait for AC and CJ to end promos manz.
TO-DO LIST (POST-PROMOS):

laser-tag/ paintball with CT-ers!
CT exco outinngg:)
CLIQUE outing!
Sleepover with Cel, Liz and Lis
X-es outinggg!
hang with Gen
go for FLEA
go to USS!
have a movie marathon with A12
watch LIFE AS WE KNOW IT!
Outing with J.A.M -we need HTHT!
spend lotsa time with Chrissy!hehe 'study' malay together okay!
Meet up with diyanah:)
4/2 class outing!
go to Marina Bay Sands with A12
study Malay BOO
PW BOOHOO
SHOP.TILL I DROP.AND MY BANK IS EMPTY(Y)

xoxo,
Mars

secrets

2010-09-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

i can't have history repeat itself.IM SCARED.and vulnerable.
what if it happens again?I'll do anything i can to stop it. block it out.and dont think about it at all.
i told gen, im gg to write a book on defence mechanism when it comes to relationships
i'm such an expert, its pathetic. in fact, sometimes i think i'm just cold.
what i would do for that warmth back again. when i start to put the shield down, something happens to jerk my hand up again. to protect myself. why let the shield down when you know the chances of getting speared is so high? i just wish i was brave enough y'know?

sigh.
im not pretty or intelligent or worth anything so like. maybe i should write a 2nd book.'how to drown in your insecurities: an expert's tips' quite funny ain't it.
i think its just pathetic.

Like Venus and Mars, we're different stars

2010-09-10T09:29:00.000-07:00

‘I fucking love you, Liz Reethers." He said again, his whole body shaking. "The only future I want is one with you. You want the truth, here it is. I love you, Liz. Not who I want you to be, or who you pretend to be because it's what your parents want to see. I love you. I love the way you try not to smile, because you know you shouldn't, but end up doing it anyway. I love the way you always smooth out every wrinkle on your clothes, even when you know they're just going to come right back. I love the way you're such a hardass with all your germaphobe shit, and how you try and get away with it when you think no one's looking. I love the way you care about the rest of the world, even when it's given you no reason to, even when you don't have to. I love the way you blush when I hold your hand, the way your cheeks turn that perfect shade of red. I love your smile, the way you can light up a whole god damn room with one.
You know what I love most, though? I love your laugh. Because it means you're happy. And if you're happy, then nothing else matters.’

one guess on where that came from.
HAHA
anw
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY COURTNEY KHENG!
LOVE YOU LIKE MADDDDD.<333333
heh, met the clique today!LOVE YOU ALL.
went to eat at NYNY and talked:).
then i came home.and slept.whatapig.
yeah so like did math, and now im trying to do lit.
sigh looks like a late night.
DAMN.

anw grandparents are back from states;)
HAPPY. heh i want my clothes whee.
so yeah, this weekend, im hardcore.
bye world.

ps: I MISS YOU LISSA ANN VICTORIA WONG, ELIZABETH RAFAELA-GABRIELLE TAN AND CELESTE CORDEIRO.sleepover after exams k?!SET.

xo

now that it's all said and done.

2010-09-05T08:27:00.000-07:00

okay so like.no one reads my blog anymore.I THINK.anyhoo, idc.
HAHA
I feel like we're drifting
and it's coming between us
but i should've seen it coming
i should've read the signs.

on a lighter note,
i understand market structure.(how bout a round of applause?)
HAHA yesss, but now IM MEGA SIAN. i don't wna do the tsupid case-study.
yucky poo.

and you, took me by surprise

2010-09-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

Hola Chicas.

im studying!:) YAY.haha ive been having a motivation streak so far and i really hope it lasts.I CAN DO IT, YES I CAN.
nothing much been happening so far= boring life.
haha, so ytd, shameera and jon 'predicted' my future for me and told me that i'll be in the corporate world, but i'll nv be on top. and they said it's cuz i'll nv put my social life on hold for my job.
initially, i was troubled.then i realised.they're right. GOD,my family and friends will always come first, and i'd go to the ends of the world for them. so i guess if it means not being on top, then so be it, as long as i achieve success as a person, thats al that really matters on my dying bed right? and i want people at my funeral not talking about my achievements, but who i was as a person. haha this sounds bleak, but its actually positive lol.

went to sch for history today. then went to get thaipan with miao and GY. had a superrrr good HTHT with them, love you both! haaha it felt really good(Y). then we studied:)

anwww, back to econs nao.
tmr im gg for novena procession:)
may get to see chrissy.i really can't wait <33333333
xo

sometimes i wish i could save you.

2010-08-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

please please be okay.
what i heard today brought tears to my eyes.What kind of a friend have i been?
a pretty shitty one.
I'm so worried for you right now, i wish i could've done something.
please take care of yourself, and you're beautiful just the way you are.
I'll be there for you, and I'm really so sorry for not being there lately.
We need you to get well.please.for us.

and we go light it up, like its dynamite

2010-08-26T08:18:00.001-07:00

hellooo,
off with the negative feelings and channel everything to promos:)
i know i have to work hard and im still involved in lotsa stuff, butttt i can do it yes i can!
i really want to achieve and get what i want. you'll never get anything until you reach your hands out and grab it.HIAK!
haha.
anw, have been having fun in sch albeit stress. the BLACK VELVET is kewlio yo.
i realllyyyyy love my class.AWESOME BEST FUN CRAZY.MUACKZ.
hehehe.
anw,
this has to be short cuz im writing my lit essay and got temporarily distracted sigh.
I LOVE YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE UNIVERSE(IS THERE EVEN AN END) CHRISSY!
srzly, I am blessed with luck, BFF.
sooo, now the qn is, which child do you want to be the godma of?boy or girl?
HAHA LOVE YOU BABE THANKSSS SOOO MUCH.
xoxo

need you now

2010-08-19T08:26:00.000-07:00

screw it.
it's been the worst week ever and just when i need someone the most, there's no one.
i really must be all alone.
F.
i just want to give up on everything.
i don't know why i even bother.
how do you expect me to talk to you when you don't even want to listen to what i have to say.
please help me God, you're the only one i can rely on.

putting my heart back together

2010-08-16T07:35:00.000-07:00

CONFUSED.

'some people put walls up, not to let no one in, but to see who's going to be the one to break them down'

anyway, i realised that i'm damaged because of it. i don't know how one incident could have such an impact on my life, but it's probably the reason behind my insecurities.i'm weak and pathetic. I've got to find some way to move on, to open my heart and to take the risk, be fearless.but it's like i can actually see that wall blocking me and though i want to break it down,

I can't understand why I'm so sensitive. i really wish i was stronger. people say that i always look confident. but i'm just the opposite.I'm not good enough, and never will be. I've got to learn how to accept that. I need to stop having those episodes that I've been having where i feel like shit about myself. Chrissy says that she thought i was a wise person, but i guess i don't listen to my own advice.what an irony.

i feel another one of my episodes coming soon.i need to get past this, but i don't know how.

and i will take, you in my arms

2010-08-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY
why can't i do anything right?
everybody's problems + mine = weight of the world
i wish i could solve everything, but a teenage heart can only bear so much.

God, please grant me some strength.

All I Have to Give

2010-08-01T05:34:00.000-07:00

"wish i could give the world to you, but love is all i have to give"

pretty eventful past week.
-emceed for college day(i think it went well)
-got all results back (CCCDEE) bleah. but im grateful that i passed MYE.now i've gotta put in my all for promos.but its gna hard considerin im super busy now:(
-careers fair. law:) and i think i may wna go into foreign affairs!
-watched SHUTTER with my family on friday hahaha i was saying "F***" the whole time cuz the ghost is scary.haha it was the tamil version and the ghost was SUPER SCARY.OMGGG.
-sat: went for a JRA full-day workshop at LKY school of Public Policy.it was a great experience though tiring:( i was exhausted but i also came out with a new zest for it.then went to eat with lynn at united square and then went to the starbucks to study by myself but luckily sherlyn was there so we studied until my dad picked me, after which we went for dinner.
-tdy: went to church, lunch @Samy's(YUM) and then went to meet Gen<3 at dhoby.we went to starbucks at POMO to study.dayum nice though we talked for the most part.HAHA ILY GEN<3
so yeah.im damn tired. but but i shall talk to chrissy then study econs.FIGHTING.

xo,
Mars

behind these hazel eyes

2010-07-20T08:30:00.001-07:00

i guess that as i'm still a teenager, things like these matter.
it doesnt seem like it does, but it really hurts and behind my facade sometimes of just smiles, and laughter, lies so much of insecurity, i just wish i was someone else.what's the point in even hoping for anything at all when it's just going to be given to someone else, or taken by someone else. i feel so alone. in all honesty, no one could possibly understand what it's like. i have always been a good actress, all it takes is just to block it out of your mind, but all it takes is a moment when you just stone and then all the painful memories start flooding your head and the only thing you can do is smile because you don't want anyone to think something's wrong. but sometimes, its just plain tiring.why pretend to be strong when you feel like just falling apart.

on a brighter note, my IJ lovelies brightened my day today.went for council invest-congratz gen lissa ama and euge! :):):)
sooo happy to see all of them. and ama like started crying once she hugged me.shit i miss them so damn bloody much:( the X-es crack me up to no end.LOVE THEM FOREVER.i'm so grateful that i have such ahmazing friends.srzly.despite whatever, having an awesome family and kickass friends are the best things someone could ever have.
so yeah, anw back to EOM sigh screw you PW

xoxo

Fearless.

2010-06-14T09:07:00.000-07:00

INEEDTOSTOPBEINGAFREAKINGCOUGAR.

OH YEA OH YEA OH YEA HEY

2010-06-06T08:10:00.000-07:00

okay so sorry for the lack of updates haha.been SUPER BUSY.
YSC:
it was great! i loved my group A8.it was quite easy to facil them cuz they were cool and participative haha.SCREW HBL manz.went out with yao, kenny and lum to get kenny's jeans -.-, and saw lissa nad and fiona!haha it was rly great to see lis:)Missed her likalot.

CLIC:
SUFANG AND I WERE IN THE SAME GROUP LOL.BUTERSQUID PAWNZ.we were crazy high can!haha made lotsa new friends.Eugene is HILARIOUS.EPIC.we went to church on saturday during camp-jelly jaime eugene jeremy and me.haha i was damn scared of getting scolded by the wardens cuz i was wearing shorts.OOPS.hahha.then we had LOY KEE fried rice and shopped at NTUC lol.FUNNN. sports school has nice dorms.i had enough comfy sleep and the toilets were CLEAN.yes, CLEAN TOILETS OWN.Bash night was fun!everyone dressed up nicely.hehe.on the whole, i loved it cuz of BUTTERQUID.BLOOP BLOOP.

GOING OUT ON THE 1ST:
met marinah and rachel in the morning, was supposed to watch the last song but it was sold out.LIKE WTH.anyway, we wnet to eat @ superdog!and talked.ALOT.then got interviwed by RAZOR TV on what we expect of guys on our first date etc.it was kinda embarrassing cuz we've all nv been on dates:/ HAHA sad life folks.BUTTTTT WHO CARES?hahha.anyway, met fang then we went to play guitar hero!:)met OOMPTATA too,haha playing with them was hilarious.clar is dman lousy!lousier than me!!!!!!!hehehe.sry, you know i loove you.
then walked arnd, and i met up with the clique to eat at Marche!YAY THE FOOD WAS AWESOME.and thanks jelly for being late whahaha.ur forgiven hehe.they got me a cake!thanks guys lovvvvvve u all!

MY BIRTHDAY!
went to northlight in the morning for camp.
I WAS DAMN GRUMPY AND SLEEPY.hehe.then helped out with dry games.and during lunch, i was like busy going to start eating and then all of a sudden the whole of CT is around me and singing happy birthday with a cake!hhaha YOU SHOULDVE SEEN MY SHOCKED FACE LOL.WASNT EXPECTING IT AT ALL!haha THANK YOUUU!the cake was yummy!and the northlight kids wished me too.aww.then played wet games, and i ahd to KEEP refilling water balloons tsk yao and sher min!haha dad picked me up at 4 for my partyy!
got home, got dressed in my new hula and co blue dress:)love it.and then my relatives started to arrive.my aunt made me this huge crown which says"I'M THE BIRTHDAY GIRL AND I GET TO DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT".(Y) so yeah the party was kinda fun?just kept talking with my aunts and uncles lol.then like we cut the cake at 10.it was kinda later than usual but i didnt really care.MY STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE CAKE WAS AHMZZZING AND HUGE AND YUMMY AND RLY RLY PRETTY!ahhhhh.thanks mum and dad<3. so after that, my dad was holding up the video cam asking me how i found my party and then i start screaming cuz there in my doorway is lissa lizzi and celly with a birthday cake!OMG SHOCKED.hahahhaa.then they started singing happy birthday.OMG I WAS DAMN SURPRISED. I HAD NO CLUE AT ALL When my whole family know about it.WHAAAT.hahahhaa OMG LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOOO MUCH MUAH MUAH MUAHHHH!haha i actually hv the vid, i'll let ya'll watch it.so we just talked and talked after that.omg i was damn happy i tell you.apparently lissa had been smsimg my mum HAHAHA.and my mum told me court had called her the day b4 to ask if i had the taylor swift cd and called her MRS KARUNA.hahahahahha laughed my ass off. LOVE YOU ALL.
so yeah, my birthday was pretty awesome!
got bangles, accessories(ELMO!), taylor swift platinum cd(which even my DAD sorta likes), F21 $50 voucher(yeah babbyy), COTTON ON($50 voucher), SCH BAG!,VANS!, A BALLOON, 4 CAKES and lotsa mulahhh.

FAMINE CAMP:
30 HOURS OF NO FOOD IS NOT EASY FOLKS.but i didnt feel hungry too often haha.made new friends like XUE YUAN(OMG LOVE HER-SUPER CRAZY BITCH), Kenneth, cheryl, yang han, NANI ETC:).yay.got super pissed at a certain someone.but after ranting to my parents, XY,mel,pei ying, yang xin, fang and chrissy, i'm over it alr.haha.
yup so it was good:)

AND OMG I AM GG TO MISS YOU FANG, MARINAH, JANICE, CHOI AND CHRISTABELLLL!sighs, all leave me here in sg:( omg chrissy, how will i survive 3 wks w/o you and ou weekly calls!!!SIGH;(

and i rly wna have our movie sleepover lizzi celly lissa!

kthx.
i have no motivation to study BLEAH.

I'm all alone and I need you now

2010-05-22T01:37:00.000-07:00

THANK GOD FOR IJ FIESTA.
i was looking forward to it the WHOLE of yesterday in school and i couldn't stop smiling cause i was SOO EXCITED.jess qy and i cabbed to IJ.
SAW A LOT OF PPL-AMA,GEN, JIA,SU, MEL,VEN, JOCE,RACH,ASH, LIZZI,CELLY, LISSA, JO, CHRISSY, ALYCIA, ARIELENE, COURT, NADIA, SAIRA, SAB, CLARA,JOVI, MIN YAN, AMANDA ETC.
I miss everyone.and seriously out of a lot of ppl's mouth was "OMG YOU LOST SO MUCH OF WEIGHT" hahahaha srzly?!?!?!I didn't even notice -.-
HAHA.my cikgu was like 'are you very stressed?you've lost weight!" LOL. NOOOO.
I didn't know it was even obvious haha.

anyway, just walked around, talked and hugged numerous people(sry i didn't get to talk to everyone for long:/)saw interesting things likeahemlizziahem.HAHAHA.
omg i really enjoyed myself and i wanted to cry:/ it really occured to me that I miss my friends like crazy.Thank god mao qy jess and pai are in VJ if not it'd be even worse la.
so like my leg started cramping up SUPER BADLY.LIKE RLY. I COULDN'T WALK.:/ it cramped in sch, then as i was walking in the HDB to the interchange i suddenly stopped cuz i couldnt and then i had to SIT ON THE GROUND and gen helped me massage my foot.it was soooo PAINFUL AND EMBARRASSING.this grp of guys walked past and were like 'omg are you okay?' HAHAHAHA.but i was in too much pain to even reply.i just nodded HAHA.then pai and gen were making me stretch and all but i rly felt like crying.its never happened like that b4!BOTH of my legs somemore.OUCH.then tristina tried to give me some girl guide advice HAHAHA.then like in the interchange it happened again, and ihad to stop.then qy jovi minyan debra teresa were there and started to help me.THANK YOU!!!and special thanks to Jess too for helping me in sch:)LOVE YOU ALL.so anyway, i endured it and went to cityhall with gen.TALKED TALKED AND TALKED.went to the esplanade rooftop:).LOVE YOU GENEVIEVE HEAH.miss her like mad.it felt great to catchup and gossip and talk and talk:).ahhhh.
so yeah then after that, got home, and slept.

Famine camp dry run this morning.hope the camp will be fun.I'm a gamemaster!haha.we didnt have much to do so we were slacking and talking and sleeping :).then left at 2. and went out with mum and dad.home, slept woke up at 6.30 O.o HAHA.but i feel well-rested and motivated to study now.

oh yes, LIT TRIP.i've pulled out.i realise that my midyr results are too high a price to pay for gg on the trip cuz i'll only have 7 days to study.and i want to go out with my friends and family in june, so i'd rather not sacrifice that.i feel good about it though.much more relaxed.my revision can go at a more relaxed pace and i can do more;).YAY.

CHE-CHE IS COMING TMR NIGHT AND I AM SUPER EXCITED.OMG LOVE HER AND MISS HER LIKE HELL.we keep flooding each otehr's fb inboxes cuz we want to update each otehr so much:).YES.I CANNOT WIAT.:)WE'RE GNA GO OUT TGT AND SHE'S STAYING FOR MY BDAE YES YES YES!

okay back to studying haha.ECONS.
xoxo,
Mars

Mamma Mia

2010-05-08T08:58:00.000-07:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

just had a Mother's Day party at my house:).twas fun with the family.
anyway, i prepared a ppt for my grandmas and then i started crying at my own ppt-.-

i couldn't help but think if you're going to be alive for Mother's Day next year.
Would i even get the chance to say those words to you?As i watched the ppt, i thought about all the time and effort i took to make it and then i realised.What if this was my last chance to tell you i love you?I hope that you felt it when you watched it.All the time and effort was worth it after all.I knew you were going to tear but you wanted to be strong.And just seeing you do that, made me, the coward cry. I'm so sorry for when i couldn't visit you or when i was too busy to even call you.You mean so much to me, and i just forget to show you sometimes.i'm so so sorry.I want to treasure all the time i have left with you.I know it's not a lot and you know it too.Please stay strong for me.I Love You.

xoxo,
Marrissa

American Boy

2010-05-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

Today was tiring and quite boring:/
slept during pe period in the library=shiok.

Gp was fun!politics FTW haha shameera really is HILARIOUS.she was so ON abt the american government!and Marinah and my slides were AWESOME;)

I paid attention during history lecture today(CLAP CLAP) like after how long.Mr khoo is v v v boring.haha but he's nice.
My ankle is super painful now:((

the northlight boy in the bus this morning was damn irritating!WTH PPL TRYING TO SLEEP LAH.URGH.

i forgot to bring my phone to sch today.SUCKS.

Congratz Jess for House Capt!proud of you bby!
Congratz Jaime for House Capt!You rock PEGASUS FTW!
Congratz Su fang, janice and jon!PEGASUS HOUSE COMM BBY!

SU FANG, ILY.I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU AND I HONESTLY TTLY THINK THAT YOU DESERVED THE POSITIONS YOU WANTED. SO SO SO MUCH.I'M PROUD OF ALL YOUR EFFORT AND I'M PROUD TO BE YOUR FRIEND.I HOPE THAT I DID MANAGE TO COMFORT YOU AND BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEEDED ME THE MOST.THANKS FOR BEING SUCH A GREAT FRIEND ALL THIS TIME, AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU TTM.HONESTLY, WITH ALL MY HEART, GOONDUSU:)CHEER UP AND BE STRONG.I'LL DO THE ASS-KICKING FOR YOU.AND PROVE TO THEM THAT YOU WERE VERY DESERVING BECAUSE YOU ARE AND EVERYONE EXCEPT THEM KNOWS IT.

Cheer up NISA!!:)ily too!

Congratz Pai!swimming exco:).

so yeah.studying now.SIGH.

xoxo,
Mars

What about now?

2010-05-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

okay okay okay i'm sorry to whoever who actually reads this for not updating.YES I SUCK.HAHHAA.
anyways just popping by with some highlights!

-Got into the exco for CT COUNCIL:) Vice-president yo.Hahahaha i didn't tell alot of ppl so some didn't know whoopps SORRY JESS!ILY. there's yong wei(pres), yi meng, jun rong, kenny,bryan and sylvia in the exco too:)i'm happy!haha though once again, there's only 2 girls.NVM. hahaha the guys damn retard can.i have been elected to be the OBSERVATION(GOSSIP) I/C and sylvia's my assistant.HAHA;)meeting that day at bryan's was fun.OMG OMG OMG BRYAN'S HOUSE COOL TTM!HE HAS A LADDER TO THE FREAKING ATTIC WHICH IS HUGE AND HAS COOL STUFF LIKE GYM EQUIPMENT TOO!wahhhh.damn nice!!!haha that's gna be the official meeting place from now on.HAHA

-Got into Junior Reach Ambassador programme.I HAVE NO IDEA HOW.they shortlisted 12 out of like 40?then there was this chit-chat session with a teacher and i ttly CRAPPED IT.so i ttly wasnt expecting to get in at all!haha.before that session, i called my mum to ask her if i should go for it since i didn't wna make a fool out of myself.then she told me its up to me and all.and it was sufang that said "MARS, YOU JUST GO IN!CAN YOU PLEASE JUST TRY.TRYYYY"hahaha then i just marched in (LATE) and joined in anyhow.HAHAHA.and surprisingly got into the 5 selected.It's damn cool please but intimidatinggg. we get to sit in political forums and events.last year, my senior got to sit in APEC!COOL OR WHAT.hahaha

-ANYWAYS.I AM GG TO UK:))))!super excited!su and i are gna room tgt:)yay so fun.i have to start shopping for nice clothes to wear there!

-MY ANKLE IS STILL HURTING LIKE MAD.went to the sinsei on saturday.All he had to do was touch my ankle, then he said "this is very serious because you've torn your ligaments" AHHHHH:((((.FML.so like no physical stuff for another idk how long.THIS IS MY PUNISHMENT FOR SOME SIN.:((((( sighhh.i want to sneak out of my house to jog but then if i break my leg and get stranded somewhere i could be kidnapped.Worse yet, if my parents caught me, my head would be on a chopping board.YES.

-EVERYONE GO FOR FAMINE CAMP AND TELL ME IF YOU WNA SIGN UP!!!GO GO GO IT'S MY CCA!SUPPORT PLZZZ.

-found out my cherry has a gf.FOR A LONG LONG time.so yeah.SUCKS TO BE ME.wtv boys suck.RIGHT CHOI? we've decided that to add spice to our lives, we're gna hide in some stairwell and watch couples make out and then take pictures and laugh like shit.Then we'll go find some "hot ang moh dude or nickhun" accrding to choi HAHAHAHHA.yes yes yes:)

-so much to study and sooooo much homework and prjects and blahhh.SIGH TIRED MANNN.
i have to do:
history korean war essay
Econs critique(like mao, SUPER OVERDUE)
study for econs test
Maths differentiation(which sucks to the core)

LE SIGH.

ANYWAY.
-DRAMA NIGHT WAS AWESOME!GOOD JOB MARINAH, MIAO WEN, SHAMEERA, NISA, MEI YIN, YUNITA, SHEREEN, TRICIA, AISYAH, NATALIE,SYLVIA, NICHOLAS(though i don't know you, you were srzly THE BEST COOK IN THE HISTORY OF EVER), Ashes(i don't kno you too but you were an ahmazing dancer) AND ALL!!!:)

I AM IN NEED OF RETAIL THERAPY WITH MY LOVES AKA SUFANGGGG, M!, JAN JAN, MEOWWW WEN!:) SOON SOON SOON!

SO YES, THAT'S ALL FOLKS.
BACK TO HISTORY.SCHOOL SIGH.

xoxo,
Mars

and honestly, my life would suck without you

2010-03-17T06:10:00.000-07:00

okay i'm thinking that no one actually reads this blog.but wtv i'll just blog anyways.
so the march holidays have literally flown by!
was away at CT CAMP from monday to wednesday.it was rly tough and aggravating at times, but i really loved it!made lots of new friends, and i love my group!HAHA WE'RE RETARDED TTM.yes yes GO YUPI!:)i think the whole council became more bonded and the seniors are cool too!and we got sufficient sleep-yay.ater camp some of us went to the airport to have lunch and hang.twas fun!everyone keeps calling me a bimbo now:///stupid alvin and yong wei who started it all!TSK.hahaha.we won the group with the best identity!it was super cool la.haha i bet everyone was jealous and wanted to wear it!so yeah. loved camp:)

I Got into YAP!only 38 ppl got in!i'm damn happy:)it's gna be fun!there's a camp on 3rd and 4th april.making new friends again.Sharon and Xin Hui are in too!yessage.haha.so yeah excited for that^^.

went out with mao and court on thursday to watch lovely bones!i thought it was quite nice!haha but not thaaat great.saoirse ronan is so pretty.the movie was quite sweet and like most of the time, people don't really delve into what a family goes through when a loved is murdered brutally.so i think the movie captured that quite well.anyways, after that walked arnd had lunch.i miss you courtney kheng!<3.yeah ten had frolick with mao at half price(thanks mao!)YUMMY.yeah went to heeren and wisma too.man do i miss shopping!

been studying and doing my homework.finished most except for malay(:/) and maths.i need to revise my stuff.haha doing econs now:)).i feel quite accomplished.

was supposed to study with gen and hanis but it's bloody raining so we decided to cancel since thompson plaza starbucks is not sheltered.:((( curse the rain.

got cat class later;).i can't wait to see my kids HAHA.

Daddy left for US today.he's only back next monday:(((.and apparently he came to my room at 4am before he left for his flight to say bye and all, but i CAN'T REMEMBER!omg my mum said i was replying him and i even hugged him-.- I SUCK.hahaha i'm gna miss him:(

of course i'm disappointed.i felt like such a failure.i guess i really wasn't good enough then.but like i guess everything happens for a reason and i guess disappointments are common.Failure is the first step to success.well, i hope it is.I hope it's a blessing in disguise.I guess it just wasn't in God's plan though it's in mine.If it's His will, then it'll happen.so i'm just getting over it and moving on.sigh.

I'm only me when I'm with you.

2010-03-14T01:42:00.000-08:00

Okay i realise i haven't blogged a lot.I SUCK.haha been really busy though!
i've quit floorball.sadly, i had to do it.I don't think i can cope with trngs next yr and CT and like wanting to join other comps like music fest and stuff.I wna do well for A's.damn the things i give up for my studies.On a brighter note, got in to second round YAP intrview.I rly hope that get in man.It's really great and fun and the people are really nice.i made so many new friends while waiting for my interview.AND I SAW SHARON YEO!ahhh miss her!she came into the holding rm, then i was like "she looks quite familiar" and we were just talking then she's like "are you marrissa?" and i'm like "OMG SHARON YEO!!!" then followed by me jumping off me seat and hugging her!A TOTAL IJ MOMENT.the ppl in the room were laughing at us!HAHA.results of the interview will be out soon ahh.

oh yeah!Went back to CJ for joce's birthday!saw loads of ppl!pai and i felt like we were aliens or sth hahaha.saw the X-GIRLS, J!A!,Rach,Ashhyy, jovi, CHRISSY!<3, LISSA!<3,Darrylin and moreeeee.ahh so fun!HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOCE ILY!I really miss all of them..Pai and i are so crashing CJ again.NOTE TO SELF:never wear orange shorts under stupid see through uniform again.HAHA.

Had Full day on fri!!wl, cheat us of a full day mannn.so like ended sch at 9ish?PEGASUS GOT 2ND FOR HOUSE CHEER!YAY PEGASUS:)class went out for lunch and then we went to the fountain of wealth and did stupid stff.everytime the duck tous bus came by, we would dance our mass dance "whiny whiny whiny woo!"HAHAHA hot tourists^^ they took photos of us HAHA.omg so funnnnnn.then back to sch at like 2 for the sign language thing:)it was so freaking cool can!i now know sign language!AND i feel damn accomplished.haha it was even more fun learning it with chloe constance and miao wen.they're damn retarded can.HAHA.Talked to chrissy at night!I LOVE HER MAN.told her like EVERYTHING haha and she told me EVERYTHING.we're gna make this weekly haha.I LOVE YOU CHRISSY, DON'T HOW WHAT LIFE WOULD BE LIKE WITHOUT YOU, AND I DON'T EVER WANNA FIND OUT!<33333333333

YTD, HONOURS DAY!saw loads of ppl again!everyone in different uniforms!sighh miss IJ!then had YAP interview.then i slept.went for novena.and then to uncle raymond's chalet!WOOO FUN!played bubbles with the cousins and we were bbqing the food quite un-pro-ly.HAHA but had loadsa fun.My uncles and aunties were making fun of me tskk.hehe love them.gg out with them later for dinner!i have the best family in the whole world.hahaha

urghhh off to CT camp tmr till wednesday.its gan be madness!wish me luck.and i haven't done my PILE of homework.DIE.

Somebody call 911

2010-02-27T07:12:00.000-08:00

It's been a longg week!
had CT Council meeting and was put in chage of making the name tags.This led to like 3 nights of sleeping at 2am, making me dead in school.Haha but luckily still could pay attention.just zoned out during one history lecture and 1/2 econs lecture haha whoops.sooo i have A LOT of work to catch up on nowww.

X-COUNTRY yesterday!SUPER FUN!haha ran and came in 94th.sigh so disappointing.next yr i wanna aim to be in top 50:)FIGHTINGGG!so after X-Country, Choi, rachel and i went home tgt(we missed the stop cuz choi was STONING haha)then bathed and changed up and met again to go to town!met marinah janice jon nisa jozie and shameera and we had luch at pizza hut.yummy food!haha we were checking out the military men who were at marina square for some SAF thing.hotness haha.bought some accessories then met constance and livia in sch before gg to ECP.BBQ was kinda fun.love my Grp:).haha omg sakif was being damn RETARDED.haahahah and so was CHLOE.hehehe laughing most of the time.ILY L7!then left at like 10 with Rach Choi and Ling Kang.haha cabbed home tgt and talked quite a bit!<3 stayed up till 2 doing the tags:/

This morning, i was super stoned.Had CT pre-camp.A lot of girl-guidish stuff cause the seniors decided to be damn strict haha.Then went out for lunch with the floorballers.haiz i think i'm gna quite floorball:/.Then went home and CRASHED till 6!

Just came back from Celly's birthday party!haha lizzi lissa peter joshua colin and kevin were there.quite fun and funny haha.HAPPY 17TH CELLYWELLYWA!love you ttm!:)omg i loved the milkshakes!YUMMMYYY.

Currently studying now.I've got lots and lots and lots to do!;(BOOHOO.
seeya amigos.

she took the midnight train going anywhere

2010-02-19T07:43:00.000-08:00

I AM DAMN EXHAUSTED.LIKE TTM.
this week though only from wed to today has been damn tiring.And as mao has already said, TGIF.really.haha.today was a f-ing LONG day!was dying.i had to drink a whole bottle of iced coffee just to keep myself awake.
anyway!!i got into interact club, but it's to tutor the P6s in St Stephens.i think that i'll probably just do it:)there's a mini interview on monday so i hope all goes well:)).I had my CT interview yesterday!it was really funny and my interviewers were 4 super nice guys.they were really nice compared to the other interviwers mann.haha my senior(lennard) was one of my interviewers haha quite hilarious.sooo i just hope that i get in!results are out on monday.

AND!there's a lit trip to UK in june from the 6th to the 15th and my parents want me to go!YES YES YES YES YES:)cuz they're gg to be in london frm the 10th to the 18th, so they're gna book a ticket for my brother then i can just join them in london and come back with them.AWESOME.i'm so damn happy!i hope that theres like no complications and the trip doesn't get cancelled.quite a number from my class wanna go.YES YES YES SO GREAT!:)haha but this means i won't be gg to US at the end of the year.BUT that's okay, i'd rather go to europe than states ANYTIME.hahaha well except for when i'm older and i really wna do a lot of shopping.but for now, EUROPE BABBYYY!ahhh super excited.i hope my friends can go.that'll be extra GREAT!

tomorrow's gna be a long day.sigh.i need to go sleep soon!i have floorball training, siren's garage sale and catechism class(yesss) haha.and floorball isfrom like 11-12.UHHH.hahahah.i rly need to study and do my projects too.LE SIGH.oh and i LOVE ECONS.currently in love with all my H2 subjects.HOPEFULLY i remain this way.maybe it's cause i ttly understand econs so far YAY!haha and GP is fantastic!Mr Young is a really great fun cool and super good teacher.WOW.damn pro.all my teachers are good:)PHEW MAN.hahaha.and i think that Ms Phua is like my idol.she's amazing-HUMANS SCHOLAR,president of student's council, valedicorian, OXFORD UIVERSITY graduate, Ultimate frisbee national team and AWESOME TEACHER who's really pretty:)WOW and all this at only 24.PERFECTION.my class was gushing about it today hahaha.she rocks.

OH!i think my class is gna perform for music fest!HOPEFULLY!so funnnnn.if we do, SUPPORT US:)

okay okay gtg sleep now.i'm half dead already.
xoxo,
mars!

Yellow.

2010-02-15T03:10:00.000-08:00

"look at the stars,look how they shine for you"

SO LIKE I'M SO DAMN BORED AT HOME.i think everything's closed outside.SO I'M STUCK AT HOME.my family's just lazing around hhaha.I did some studying today!CAN U BELIEVE IT.haha what a nerddd.i have like NOTHING else to read.which means i need to visit borders like NOW.thank god Parkway has Borders!i shall go there and buy more books^^yeah babbyy.haha.i really wanna watch the movies out.like Lovely Bones, Valentine's Day and Percy Jackson!sighs.BORED BORED BORED.i've been watching Glee, but i'm only at like episode 10.i feel like some aimless person roaming around.
Ytd, went to grandma's for lunch and my other grandma's for dinner.My aunts and uncles are retarded ttm!HAHA i was laughing non-stop plz.AND THEY LOVE TO TEASE ME.tskkk.hahaha.then i give them a witty response and they're like "damnnn"HAHA.LOVE my family.

oh and i realised that this is my 17th year spending V'day alone.HAHA WHOO SINGLE LADIEZZZ.haha.sadly, didn't make any cards and all this year cuz everyone's preoccupied with CNY.if only it didn't clash.i'm super appreciative of the long break though i'm damn bored.sleeping in is BLISS.

oh, my grandparents sold their house:(.Cause it's like too big and they're too tired to take care of it.so they're looking to move.they want to move to like Nim Gardens or sthhh.i was trying to persuade them to move to neptune court or mandarin gardens (near VJ HAHAHAHAHA) i would ttly be there everyday.hehe.but i guess tough luck.DAMN.haha.

okay so i realise that i'm just rambling.i'll just go now and try to enjoy the rest of this UTTERLY BORING day.

xoxo,
mars

MAO!

2010-02-13T07:46:00.000-08:00

THIS IS A POST DEDICATED TO THE ONE AND ONLY SARAH MAO YU LING FOR HELPING ME WITH MY BLOG. YOU ARE MY SAVIOUR AND I TOTALLY OWE YOU ONE AND WILL FOREVER BE INDEBTED TO YOU FOR YOUR GENEROUS HELP IN OVERCOMING MY CURSED COMPUTER.SO THANK YOU MAO, AND I REALLY LOVEEEEE YOU TTM.AND YES, I WOULD TTLY GIVE YOU MY FIRST KISS.virtually though.HAHAHA BUT I'M STRAIGHT, so i guess i have to pay you back in another way.HAHAAHA LOVE YOU BABE!

HEY JULIET

2010-02-13T06:11:00.000-08:00

"i think, you're fine.you really blow my mind, maybe, someday you and me could run away.i just want you to know, i wanna be your romeo, hey juliet"
-hey juliet, LMNT

OKAY.NEW BLOG FOR A NEW PHASE OF MY LIFE!
due to my lack of updating, i guess i have a fair bit to do.
VJ's been really great so far. made lotsa great friends and i find the atmosphere really good.in all honesty, its quite like IJ.though nothing EVER beats IJ<3.i really miss my IJ friends though like srzly esp COURT ASH AMA JIA LIZZI CELLY LISSA CHRISSY GEN VEN MEL SU JOCE ARIELENE...LE SIGH.
i've been teaching catechism in church and i really love the kids in my class tho the boys are kinda naughty haha.but i know how to deal with them considering i have ample practice from my brother.there's this one boy who calls me "jc girl" and so that day, he was talking to me and asking me for help and all and this grp of girls in class thought he was calling me "sexy girl" and then they were all secretive and i didnt rly know what was gg on.HAHA then they asked him what he said and then they were like "OHHH" tsk tsk tsk tsk all these primary school kids.i was so innocent at that age la!HAHA.i feel rly happy teaching.it's like i've found something meaningful, and it's smtg i didnt feel in cl(sry) so like this time when i see sch stuff clash with cat class, i say that i have cat class not obligingly but willingly,, cuz i rly would sacrifice all that for cat class:).

Anyways.I got into floorball after the trials(they made us sprint, run 1.6 km and then play) and was kinda happy except i know that i won't accept the position.cuz i dont wanna give up my studies.the things i sacrifice.HAIZ.yeah so i've submitted applications for Interact club and CT council.hopefully i get in.i'm the CT rep for my class and there's lots to do.haha reminds of the days when i was class chair in sec 1.hmm nostalgia.

MY CLASS ROCKS.IT'S THE BOMB.OF THE BOMBS.i rly rly rly love it manz.A12 WHOO WHOO!we're super high and enthu and we're always ready to help each other out and i honestly learn alot from our lit discussions.its like i can really improve just from listening to their opinions and i'm rly happy now:).i pray that we'll continue to grow even stronger as a class.A12 ATW!<3

i've been rly sick lately:(thats why i didnt go to school ytd!went to see a doc on thurs and he gave me A LOT of medicine.like A LOT.haha mel asked me if i had cancer after she saw all my meds.HAHA.stupid girl.SO i felt like shit ytd.just KEPT on blowing my nose and watery eyes:/i slept like most of the day.then in teh evening, when i felt better, went to uncle raymond's for party!yummy food + 2 horror movies back to back!DAMN FUN!hhahaa everyone was damn freaked.i was telling my aunt about how lissa covers her face and watches HAHAHA.sry lis, i couldn't help it.HAHA.

today, was feeling better so went out with the X-GIRLS!gosh do i miss them.but i was in sooo much pain and drowsiness so i spent most of the time in the toilet.and the worst part of the day was MY MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT- i went into the gents.AND I DIDNT KNOW.so i was like happily doing my business and i came out and saw this guy washing his hands.then he was like "EXCUSE ME, THIS IS THE MALE TOILET" and i was like "omg,SORRY" and then i just walked out.the cleaner was laughing like mad.at that moment, i wasnt embarrassed cuz i was rly sleepy and jus needed to pee.and the STUPID sign in cityhall is damn small and i wasnt wearing my specs so i didn't realise.OMG EMBARRASSING LIKE HELL.the exco was laughing like MAD.and i wanted them to hide me from him, just in case the man walked out of the toilet.OMG I WANT TO CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND DIE.hahaahah.yeah well, hope that entertained you.HAHA

so thanks x-girls for today.I RLY LOVE YA'LL AND MISS YA'LL.

on a not-so-good note,
i'm rly worried right now.I don't know what to do.when she told me, i wasn't rly that affected, until i went to your house.luckily i was sick so you mistook my tears for watery eyes during a flu.you didn't know that i went to the toilet to cry because i'm so scared.you're going to cook our favourite food tomorrow and i somehow feel like you want to say goodbye.you're one of the strongest people i know, probably the strongest, and i pray with all my heart that you'll pull through.you have to pull through, because i don't know what i'd do without you.please don't leave me.you're strong and no matter what, i hope you know that i love you.with all my heart.

HAPPY CNY EVERYONE!MAY YOU RECEIVE LOTS OF ANG PAOS!
XOXO,
MARS!